Frustratingly Mediocre

I'm three hours too early. (now two cos someone was watching gayo daejejeon and couldn't update hahaha) i'm currently watching mbc gayo daejejeon and i might be leaguing later so yeah little chance that i will be able to blog exactly when it's 12 am. besides i have to update a fic cos i finally finished writing it and i'm quite happy w my result? hehehhe i hope it's not too bad hahah >< just now i was really so annoyed at my stream lor omg. thank God i've found one that works pretty well. a little bummed abt not being able to catch bigbyung's stage but it's ohkay pinkerbell uploaded it so fast and i watched it alr x) was ranting so much on twitter heh ^^;; idk if kor will let me league later. he's coming back soon from baliiiii at least let me watch finish my gayo daejejeon!!! >< daddy tried to watch it w me i think he got bored hahahha. he thought hyorin was gna what. i didn't manage to sleep today so i'm gonna get prolly 3 h...

so! pea's birthday was on 24 oct which was the friday before hell week I ACTUALLY TOOK TIME OUT TO CELEBRATE HER BIRTHDAY KAY. hahahaha although i kindda did have to rush back home for tuition but oh wells x) so me and eyjj went out to buy beanies for her cos guess who's been pestering us about getting beanies together?? got two from some shop at the interchange and it was really pretty nice imo hahhaha x) but guess what happened when eyjj went home that day. PEA'S FRIEND BOUGHT HER A BEANIE TOO OTL. but imo ours was so much better?????? the one her friend bought her looks like a basket no off >< so then after that we came to the conclusion that i'll keep one beanie and give the other to pea! met them after their schools at smoothie king at bedok mall!!!! had a really hard time hiding the present and let's just say if you want to throw a surprise birthday party or something don't make me the one that goes to fetch said birthday girl/boy. i don't mind h...

at a random time like this, my mind suddenly brings me back to the days when i was still young, clueless and blissfully ignorant. those were the days when we cried over simple things, when we were so confused about the world around us. i still remember crying. “奶奶，我不要你死！” so long ago, hugging my grandmother and crying hysterically. i think my family was pretty shocked and stuff cos it was really sudden?? and my grandma was just like ”好啦，好啦，奶奶不会死。奶奶会看你长大，哦？“ i had been comforted then but then now i know such words are really just things to pacify children that don't understand the concept of life and death. of course there's no way for her to live until i'm old because heck i doubt my parents will be around when i'm super old too, right? she can't even 看我长大 now because she has dementia and it's really gotten so bad that she doesn't know who i am anymore. i used to be comforted by the fact that out of everyone she'd still be able to remember me even though...

FREE POLAROIDS YO twas the final day of hell week and we had planned since forever ago that we'd go for this halloween party cos it sounded really cool x) pea couldn't join us cos she had some school thing that ditcher. lol had some troubles getting the tix cos we were all too lazy to go get them and when i actually went to the rc, the person wasn't there ._. managed to get 2 from someone that got tix but wouldnt be able to go and by right needed one more cos of pea but then after that i told the person that we wouldn't be needing it anymore cos last min plans. i can't exactly rmb what time we set out, but i rmb struggling w my halloween clothes for a while and it was honestly quite annoying. i bought this wig hairband thing from daiso and the quality is really so bad it was so tangled and everything that i finally got so annoyed w it and threw it away hahha that's why you don't see my with orange hair up in those pix. if i had worn it it'd look super co...

You know sometimes people are just so stupid and lack so much common sense that it becomes so funny? I thank God for letting me have this job to be able to laugh at such moments of stupidity. Three cases today. (28 dec) First, this family bought 20kg to check in. Their first bag was 18kg and the other was a small bag so like i think they were prepared to bring it up alr. One thing i always do when i help ppl check in is that i will announce the weight of the bag, how much more they had left and that i'll be checking it in. So yknow when i say im checking it in and u say ohkay there's no turning back, right? This guy said ohkay then i said i would check it in. Then? "Oh wait i want to put perfume in there!" So yeahla idk what really happened over there and stuff but like um,..... i guessed they figured out what to do w it??? haha cos i kindda left them alone as they were thinking on how to solve their problem cos i had to do work and help others as well mah Second, the...

it's only 8:30 but it feels so late OMG I'M GOING BACK TO BEING A YOUNG CHILD

Whaddup ive collected 15 hours of work so on average ive been working 5 hours a day Anyways just wanted to blog abt a few TERRIBLE customers (?) And a few AMAZING customers! So we'll start w the bad and after we finish bashing these bitches we can talk abt the super nice ones: 3 So firstly, there was this one guy w his fam. It's only my third day and idk how jetstar works yet. So i asked him if he did online booking and stuff and he was like "wah u really dont know jetstar only can book online" or something and im fine w it la cos i really dont know mah. Then i asked him if he had his itinerary or boarding pass and he was so confused. He was like "nvm i'll figure this out myself you dont know how to ask questions" and i was like BITCH THE MACHINE ASKS YOU THE EXACT SAME QUESTION. IF YOU CAN ANSWER MINE WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN USE THE MACHINE??!?!?!?! so i left him there to struggle himself ahhahahahahaha he ended up having to queue anyway LOSER. I h...

so! i guess y'all already know, i currently have a job at the airport!!! i'm the pioneer batch for the jetstar kiosk assistants!!! x) it's really cool actually hahah and it's really fun too like it really doesn't feel like i'm working when i'm down there helping people out (: we shall start from... hm maybe ytd hahha so you alr know what happened ytd, i overslept and woke up around seven. and i didn't sleep until like 2:25 just now. not kidding i couldn't sleep at all at night. what happened was i went to sleep at 11 cos mummy said better sleep at that time since i will have to wake up at 3. then i lay in my bed for like an hour or so idek anymore. i tried all the methods i had to help me sleep. i turned on the fan, i wrapped myself in blankets, got myself out of those blankets, used my phone for a while (cos sometimes it really does make me tired) and even listened to music (which is usually my last resort) but i JUST COULDN'T SLEEP. so i starte...

so i ended sleeping past my alarm and woke up 17 mins ago...... hahhahahha i'm currently watching mubank!! x) so heng hahahha after i woke up and onned mubank vixx was on!!!!! xDDD like after bf it was them xP now it's b1a4 well so much for bathing and stuff aish burden haha

so i've gone without sleep for.... 19 hours and i'm being pretty sleepy now i think i'll take a short 20 min nap (yes i will actually wake up) and then continue w life hahahhha xD

We've been here for an hour and our supervisor(?) Aint here??? So much for being on time at 4 am 😒😒😒 And we dont have her no so what are we supposed to do omg >< Hope™

Turns out me worrying abt oversleeping was pointless I shouldve worried abt not sleeping at all Omw now reaching le I will need coffee hahahaa Hope™

omg i'm like so excited for my first day of work tmr i don't even know why hahahha first time i've ever had to work in my life!!! xD

i'm so annoyed at myself rn. mummy will definitely be nagging about it later and i can't just talk back cos she'll go crazy so like omg then next week Christmas so i wont be doing street jazz for two weeks this is annoying i'm sooooooooooooooooooooo annoyed w myself omg. why didn't i set my alarm?!?!??!?!??!?! i was telling myself to omg but now i oso can't turn back time to what can i do right Hope™

Fuck I overslept for street jazz class damn This one doesn't even have makeup lessons sigh  I'm so annoyed at myself  I said I would set an alarm..... I forgot  Lesson learnt. Fine  Hope sining got there fine!  Hope™

OMG GUYS I FOUND IT I ACTUALLY FOUND IT!!!!! I KNEW PRAYING WOULD HELP OMGGGG!!!!! it turned out to be in my clothes drawer even though i looked through it alr???? thankful to andrea that told me to look for my royal blue leotard cos i found it then hehehe omgg i'm just so happy now????? it does smell a little weird from being inside there for so long BUT IT'S FINE OMG i didn't blog abt it but i felt so empty w/o it. like i constantly had to look out for it when i was sleeping and i missed the smell of it so much so i started using a substitute ytd and it really just doesn't work as well haha i think i left it there when searching for clothes on sat hahha so for five days i didn't have it... those five days were torture. i'm so happy rn ^~^ Hope™

Free IQ Test hahahha not sure how true this is but yeah i have an iq of 145 siolz!!! xP apparently the average is abt 110 or smth??? hahhaha yay me...??? xD

you know what i've realised? in recent years, you're always annoying me just before i'm about to give you anything. like presents. how many years has it been? you always seem to annoy the day before i set out to get your present done. if you're wondering why you've not been receiving anything from me.....

do you actually know how scared and insecure i feel right now? like really i've lived my whole life with that thing and now i just can't find it and i really miss the smell of it and just.... it really just disappeared ohkay not kidding i last remembered it in the dining room but i've checked that whole area and i can't find anything!!! it's like living in constant fear i keep wondering did i accidentally throw it away? did i accidentally bring it out then dropped it when i took something out of my pocket? will it really be missing forever? because this is the only thing connecting me to things and people and memories and moments that i can never get back it feels like i constantly have a knife at my throat every time i lose sight of it it digs in further and when i lose it it completely cuts of my jugular i hate being so attached to material things i really do because i'm all about things that we don't need to be able to physically touch to understand and f...

i told you you don't care yet you still want to talk to me you're really bringing this upon yourself aren't you chase me out of the house la sure you don't care anyways right you don't fucking care if i'm dead or alive right now should i just jump? seventh floor confirm will die one don't worry you don't even have to worry that i might survive and have to pay hospital fees i'm so old and tall alr i can reach all the locks to open the windows fully smore downstairs is rubbish bin time to go home right Hope™ ps. what attitude. is stating the truth an attitude too? is speaking my mind an attitude too? should i teach my child in the future to never speak his mind? never say anything that is not what people want you to say? don't voice out your thoughts? just take it that you're non-existent. take it that you are just a robot made to serve people if people tell you to fucking shut up shut up. if people tell you to fucking run into the wall until y...

what's the point of telling you if you don't care? there's no fucking point in doing so kay it's like you telling me abt your job do you think i care? no. y'all don't fucking care about this at all why should i say anything to you when i tell you you just rejoice or tell me to fucking shut up cos guess who wants to watch tv fuck i hate everything i want to blog abt something but omg now because i can't find it i really can't find any concentration at all. like every moment i'm just thinking of where i couldve put it do you know how annoying this is? i'm constantly searching the same spots and places, the most common places i put it and even places that it probably won't be but what can i do right? so pathetic sometimes i really just wish that yeye was here cos he was always ALWAYS able to find things for me shit i wont cry now yesterday was one year just saying that was what i wanted to blog about sorry yeye Hope™ ps. i would like to clarify ...

DOnt fucking scold me just because im looking for it and getting frustrated Some things just have great importance to me unlike you who feels that nothing is important at all Then fucking burn down this house and let's all die since nothing is important to you anyway Fuck everything I've already checked there but i still just keep checking it like an idiot because   really cant find it anywhere else Fuck Hope™ (something im currently losing)

Fucking hell im telling you im gg fucking crazy from this I have almost turned the whole house upside down (not yet maybe tmr cos now too late) searching for it and it's currently to the point that im having illusions/hallucinations that everything i see is it Im not kidding Fuck my life Hope™

Oh so the laughing sound was from somewhere else hahhaha I think i see ppl i recognise??? Waiting for the tchr now x) There's this girl that prolly came here alone too shld i talk to her? Hope™

Apparently the one before this is not published... tchr just came!

Yknow im actually thankful. It was a blessing in disguise. Because i didnt get chosen, i got to spend time w eyjj and pea today and got to open the presents tgt and watch mama tgt (: Omw to the vocal workshop haha. But i rmb wrongly and i dressed for dance oops Hope™

so on 24 oct, it was pea's birthday!!! despite me having hell week the next week, i still took time off to celebrate her birthday with her! i'm awesome i know xD managed to meet up w eyjj i think like a few days before her birthday to shop for beanies since pea's always said that she wanted to have beanies. looked around and omg i never knew beanies were that ex omg hahahha. found one shop that sold two beanies for like 10 or something like that??? so we chose two!! a black one with eyes on it and a pink one with a triangular metal logo at the front. the funniest part? PEA'S FRIEND BOUGHT A BEANIE FOR HER TOO. ON THE DAY WE BOUGHT HERS. it looks like a basket tho i mean no offense. so yeah spent some time making pea a card that fit in her beanie before wrapping it!! xD it was fun hahhaha met up w pea at bedok mall first, waiting for eyjj to end sch. we had to kindda leave early cos i had tuition later tho >< had smoothies w her! xD i now have one free smoothie and...

it's actually getting quite annoying how i keep going like "oh, if i were in the boot camp i would be dancing my ass off now" it gets really annoying and it's not like i'm devastated i didn't get in. but because i have nothing to do these days, i keep thinking about it.... that's why i think i better start going swimming soon and get a part time job. i'm gg for the classes later tonight and i'm kindda excited to learn another form of dance after dancing only one type for half of my life hehe hopefully what i learnt can help me in my audition to jelpi. the problem now is that... i need to print my form and i have no one to print it for me???? i can ask natasha but i kindda forgot when she's coming back oops. oh no wait now i remember. oh good timing too it'll be the first day of my street jazz class tbvh i haven't told mummy about it yet. i'm starting to think that they think me learning dance and stuff is quite waste cos my mum aske...

Congrats to all those that got in btw! I forgot to say it just now ^^;; i dont know everyone that got in but i do know that lerenne, bronald and christina (i heard someone say her name haha) got in! ^^ Jiayou guys! Bronald's the only guy HAHA Have fun ^^ Hope™

Strength is not being the last one standing, the one that could fend off all his enemies. Strength is being able to stand up everytime you fall down and continue running with undying fervor. I didnt pass this time but it's ohkay. Im attending the workshops tomorrow and i'll be learning street jazz. Im also gonna audition for jellyfish and i will send it maybe every month? HAHA PLS DONT GET ANNOYED AT ME But yeah Tbh i dont feel anything now. Do i feel sad? Disappointed? Do i feel like crying? Actually no. Not at all. My heart is just beating a little weirdly but other than that i feel nothing. Is this bad? I do feel one thing though: determination. I will do it. I will improve. I can do it! :D A small fish in a big pond has a lot of room to grow. The room for improvement is always the biggest room. I wont lose hope. I wont lose faith. I will keep going (: This is only one failure so i have much more time ahead of me and i'm ready! I do have to bother about tertiary educatio...

I 认命'd already I told you i sucked at my freestyle that's it for me. Good luck to the rest! I knew lerenne would get in ^^ Welps Failure is the mother of success Hope™

So in 15 mins results will be out Apparently it's gonna be made into a show??? Holy shit hahaahaha got sign contract at the start one siolz We were the last group i think then we went out for lunch x) it was good: D i paid the cashier exact and she gave me change lol i was so confused Screwed up freestyle YOOHOOO like seriously i couldnt do anything and i just clapped and moved im not kidding The teacher was nice tho :3 holler was.... idk lol According to bronald i sang super quickly??? Oops. They told me to sing smth w a melody line and i was like holy shit what is a melody line. So i sang thank you for being born HAHA This time they like put black curtains and stuff wah seh professional siolz Also we danced first so we were pretty thirsty and stuff and we had to sing??? Heng bronald ask if can drink water and all of us ran out to get water HAHA Then lerenne brought her water bottle into the room and left it there. So when she walked back in it was super awkward cos apparently the...

So it turns out that after practicing instrumental for a week we dont have an instrumental and it will be acapella???? And the dance we learning us holler. which is a little bit yay? Cos i think the dance is cute haha But oh fuck we need to do freestyle and i cant freestyle so save my life fuck Fuck Screw it Omg I really cant freestyle ohkay Ive tried and all i can do is clap IM NOT KIDDING So the only thing i can do now is.... use phone and relax? And pray. Definitely. Hope™

What am i doing awake at 3 am you may ask?? Truth be told ive been trying to sleep since..... probably around 1 So if you dk, in 9 hours i will be having the second round of auditions for the kpop boot camp Do i want to get it? OF COURSE. Can you imagine how amazing it will be? Ive always wanted to go since they started it but unlucky me, it always started when my holidays did. Or the last day was when my holiday started ): So this year im not gg overseas and i can finally go but now they hold auditions????? Did they really get damn sucky students last time? Lolx So yeah Am i confident??? Honestly... not really. I dont know how good my competitiors are except for like 4 of them so this really scares me cos i cant gauge myself among them.... I have a ⅓ chance of getting in so.... Thankfully they have a workshop for all the failures on 20 dec so i guess i dont have to feel that sad if i dont get in??? Of course i really do tho I keep having stupid dreams (daydreaming rather) of me g...