Frustratingly Mediocre

是不是在耍我？ 我不是说一定要听我说的话。因为你是人我也是人我们都有自己的意见和信仰。我只是在想你是不是在耍我？是不是以前那样说说罢了；根本都没有想进步的那个念头？ 有时候，我真心地认为你的朋友对你的影响是对你有弊的。但他们都是你的朋友我凭什么说他们不...

거직말같은... 립서비스같은.... 왜? if it was never your intention in the first place then why did you say so? Hope™

Why? Why is it starting to feel more and more like a crime when i dont sleep by like 12? Why does it feel like im committing a crime by using my phone in the dark, such that i become hypersensitive and hyperaware to any movement or sound around me. Why is it starting to feel more and more like a crime when i take breaks from doing work in school and just relax and watch some shows at home? Why does it feel like im committing a crime by watching some youtube videos? (Im srsly trying my best to cut down though. You may not see the effort but im feeling the stress and self-loathing). Why is it starting to feel more and more like a crime when im using my phone? Why does it feel like im commiting a crime by replying messages or playing a short game or reading a story. I know. I know ohkay? That a levels are coming. You think i dont feel the stress? You think i dont worry about my results and wonder if pw is going to actually be the only a i score? I know ohkay? That my results aren't th...

Everyone around me is just so stressed. So stressed out over school, over life. I can't seem to help anyone or comfort anyone. Everyone around me is giving me really superficial and fake feels rn. Maybe I'm giving off the same feel too. Maybe i'll be here more often now. Why am I so bad at helping people? Hope™

Ohkay so ive calmed myself down over my whole marvy uchida episode HAHA (idk which will be posted first cos im on my phone and it hasnt published the first post). anyway this is about the Lord's grace and how He was working and helping me this morning? Really all praise to Him (: So in church on sat, i felt prompted to pray for clara. And like i arranged to meet her at 8 today. So the thing abt me is cos it's late start monday i usually reach at like 830 cos i keep falling back asleep. so last night i prayed that i would be able to wake up on time and get to school on time so that i can talk to clara and pray for her. I couldnt fall asleep for quite some time. So i also prayed that i would sleep. And while it didnt happen immediately, it still happened? Hahaha anyway not the point. So my phone's speaker has been spoilt for the past idk few months???? and along w it goes my alarm so ive been depending on a physical alarm clock but it isnt rly working so i was honestly a bit ...

Omg when i first saw the notification ftom marvy uchida i thought they were just commenting on my video or something BUT HOLY SHIT NO?!?!?!?!? THEY ACTUALLY REPOSTED MY VIDEO?!?!?!?!?! I RANDOMLY TAGGED THEM AND THIS WAS A SHIT CALLIGRAPHY VIDEO BUT THEY REPOSTED IT ONTO THEIR OFFICIAL ACC?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!?!? i went to their acc to check it out AND THEN I SEE THAT FAMILIAR FREEZE FRAME OF MY VIDEO HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO COOL OMG I NEVER THOUGHT SOMETHONG LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN?!?!??? ESP NOT W THAT SHITTY VIDEO?!?!?!?!??!? i legit have better ones kay HAHA Tbh im like ohkay ohkay w that marvy uchida pen. Like it frays but it's nubbad? Haha >< I was wondering why so many non calligraphy accs were following me hahaha >< tbh my calligraphy skills are rly not there at all like legit. My words arent that pretty and my composition is shit. I'm still working on it so yeah >< Dk if i shld be posting that ss on my ig since no one i know knows abt this acc. Maybe i wont hah...

So i've had a few bonding experiences the past two days (: ohkay it's only 2 but considering the fact that i don't rly open up to a lot of people i'd say that's good? hahah >< yesterday was hari raya and so it was a public holiday and despite having a's looming over my head, i was slacking my ass off yesterday ^^;; i woke up around 11 and then went w kor and daddy to have lunch at chicken up. i'll be rly honest that like idk i felt sort of stressed and stuff during the whole lunch journey? cos like idk i didn't feel like we were talking and bonding a lot? like we were using our phones a lot and all that so like yeah.... but lunch was ohkay ah. not the best meal i've had at chicken up but itz ohkay. maybe korea has raised my standards for fried chicken HHAHAHHA but then for dinner, mummy and korkor weren't home so i had to go for dinner w daddy. and we decided on soup spoon. i guess the whole soup spoon adventure was pretty ohkay? like we ta...