Frustratingly Mediocre

I should also be sleeping but then again I guess I've always had trouble sleeping at night :\

Just sayun' guess who's taking her lit exam tmr and probably didn't even finish chapter five of the twelve-chaptered lord of the flies?

HOLY NUTS I THINK I FLY NEARLY FLEW INTO MY EAR I COULD LEGIT HEAR ITS WINGS AT MY EAR OMG IT GAVE ME SUCH A SHOCK IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE EARWAX FALLING INTO YOUR EAR THERE WAS REALLY THE SOUND OF FLAPPING WINGS OMG

I can do it, and I will do it. They won't test anything out my syllabus and I will be able to do it. I've studied and I know.  Even if I don't, it should be somewhere in my mind I just have to reach in to it.  I can do it.  I will not panic.  Even if I can't solve it I will try Because at least by trying I can get some marks But I can do it and I will do it Because this is what we've all been studying for  I have studied and I will study again just to be sure.  I will solve it. I can do it 478 Hope™

Ohkay la all my fault ya ohkay on liao yay yay But oh crap no signal. No need stress one la that one just wait i have experience ahahaa

Sorry sorry i prolly screwed up the com sorry la ohkay i cant so anything one. Sorry la i offed the com cos of the dance but rly u think i want to let u watch meh? Ohkay la sorry sorry all my fault sorry u stressed pray u wont 爆血管 kay? So now can u pls not so stress over it?? Dont worry abt things u cant control just relax and for today dont think abt it anymore, kay? Fine la you want to manhandle my things ohkay ohkay all my fault all my fault I know i sound like a sarcastic whiny bitch but im really sorry ohkay Sorry la. Nvm just for tonight leave it alone. Isnt that what yall always told me? Sorry la ohkay Hope™

FAKKKKKKKKKK DAD JUST FOUND THE VIDS THAT I RECORDED OF ME DANCING TO GR8U FAAAAAAAKKKKKK HE WAS LAUGHING LIKE SHIT FML

I knewi  shouldve deleted them: \

Ohkay yes fine i get it you want me to do well and you dont want me to keep playing games but do you realise that maybe the more i study the more nervous i get? Because hello this aint a subject im good at. Ive been studying and i will reread my guide book again (i read it just now if youre curious) and ive packed my bag and made sure that everything is in place. Now all i have to do is to have lunch change, get to school and pray. Maybe revise a little bit more?? Im not too sure. I just dont want to feel nervous cos i know that when i feel nervous, i will likely panic and stuff and i would love to not relive my piano exam days thanks. So... i just hope you understand? Besides im not the one who checks his com 24/7 on some game until mummy scolds kay. Hope™ Ps. Wishing everyone luck!! We can do it!

Yknow i really love the floor????? Like everyone steps all over it but it still supports us and doesn't let us fall. So next time you find me face first on the floor, i didn't trip. I just wanted to give the floor and hug and thank it for being there. Kids, studying fries brains i am the living proof. I should get a medal for the most ridiculous thoughts yup. Hope™

You know i think im sounding really childish now so please forgive me ohkay >< I really hate it when im constantly reminded of my sleeping time. I'll try ohkay i'll try my best. I'll try my best to go to sleep early so that i can wake uo reallly early. Maybe tmr i'll wake up at seven?? But it seems like no matter how early i wake up i still will sleep late??? Im trying I will do my best to get my lazy ass out of bed the moment i wake up tmr, kay? Hope™ Ps. Im so sorry for sounding like a whiny kid rn.

I don't like feeling this way. I just want to get this over and done with.  It feels like no matter how much I prepare, how much I do and learn from my mistakes, my marks still won't increase.  Marks are not everything. And I'm not the smartest. But when I have a hazy future that I don't even know about, marks are the only thing I have to depend on.  I'm probably not made out for studying. Maybe that's why I've always hated school. But I'm not gonna tell myself that now because this is useless. I'm just using this as a compass that can hopefully guide me? I don't want to study anymore. I don't want to constantly feel that insecurity that what if? What if I really screw this up? We've all heard of those people; those people with promising results but once these supposedly good results and potential scholarships or the chance at top schools come back to them, all they have are tears. It's not tears with a single digit score that's s...

Doing work makes me feel so insecure right now ohkay. Why am I not getting majority right???? Why am I making such HUGE mistakes????? Shouldn't I know this by now???? Why can't I explain myself properly???  Do you know how annoying this is becoming??? And it's not like I can go "oh maybe the sch paper so they set harder" NO THESE ARE FREAKING O LEVEL PAPERS I WOULD HAVE DONE SO BADLY SHOULD I BE BORN A FEW YEARS EARLIER.  I'm serious. I've only gotten like an a1??? And it's not even high. I'm a bio person why is this suddenly becoming so difficult??? Is it because stress?????  It really makes me 不服 ohkay. S'more it's not like maths where the actual paper is quite ohkay but the ones from other schools are shit. THESE ARE THE ACTUAL PAPERS AND IM DOING LIKE SHIT SHOULD I REREAD THE WHOLE DAMN TEXTBOOK OR SOMETHING HELP ME.  Not to mention I haven't touched lotf and ss?????? FML I need to stop slacking.  Hope™

Ohkay so I was like looking around everywhere for Neo fics cos studying got annoying and I've done two papers mind you so I googled vixx fic recs or smth and came across a tumblr post w Neo fic recs!!!! HAPPINESS  Anyways I've actually read most of the fics recommended but there was one really good one so yay!  And then I came across this:  There was another one I was going to link but I can't find it in my bookmarks. It might be on my drafts here tbh. It's another N/Leo and something happens to Leo where he can't go to school anymore and N makes paper cranes and it was kind of sad but the good kind of sad?  From: http://ace-loves-xing.tumblr.com/post/88980398867/small-vixx-fic-rec-for-sushiteuk  So yeah obviously this is Paper Cranes, my fic!!! Well, maybe it isn't but... The description is basically my fic ahahahha sorry for being big headed ><  Anyways it feels nice to have someone recommend your fic to a friend, even though they didn't actual...

so it's like so delayed that there isn't even any significance anymore but i guess i still want to say it. on 23 sept, it was kibum's birthday!!! happy birthday~! (:  the sad thing is that, his grandmother had passed away on that day as well........ it's really sad.. do you remember in wgm when he called her?? and i don't think he's seen her for a really long time????  it's really sad that she actually passed on on his birthday because now every time he celebrates his birthday, he'll also be reminded of the loss of someone so precious and dear to him...  it's not easy i hope that he'll stay strong, but of course it's always ohkay to cry.  Hope™

Yknow for some reason I can't register the fact that I have school tmr??? I keep thinking that today is Friday omg. Was doing Chem practice just now and then like... When i was doing mummy was telling me to go to sleep. But she tells me that all the time so I didn't think much abt it. But when I finished and was deciding where to put my things, I realised that I have school tmr!!!!  And it's graduation day s'more haha. Last day in sch Liao!!! O.O  So yeah.... Still keep thinking today is Friday sigh ><  Hope™