Frustratingly Mediocre

I'm sorry I'm stupid, I'm sorry I'm dumb.  I'm sorry I'm not the perfect child That you've always wanted from young.  I'm sorry I'm not athletic,  I'm sorry I'm lazy.  I'm sorry for procrastinating,  Crushing your dreams of a perfect child.  I'm sorry I can't be bothered,  I'm sorry I don't care.  I'm sorry about my attention span,  Getting distracted in less than ten seconds.  I'm sorry I'm saying this, I'm sorry for not telling you in your face.  But would you really accept it?  If I told you this vis-a-vis?

Fine. Dont get me a computer whatever.  Why can't you just get it that I suck that's why I got 4/30 and 14/40?!  You asked me to give you an explanation and isn't this an explanation? If this is not an explanation then what is?  Why can't you just get it that i'm not smart? That I can't do math? I can't fucking think flexibly to solve all the fucking questions ohkay. Don't fucking give me that shit that you're good in maths so I should be too. That's a fucking lie and we all know it. If that's the case, shouldn't we all be fucking short? And suck in English? And are only good in chinese? And suck in science? That ain't the case you got it It's fucking annoying The reason I don't even bother anymore. I've tried and it wont work anyway. I still will fail. Studying makes no difference.  Shut down the computer Shut down my life  Whatever  I would say kill me now but I don't really like suicide so whatever. Nevermind Kill m...

bought a pair of Polaroid sunglasses today!! finally!! xDDD idk if i've told you, but i seem to have very sensitive eyes when it comes to light and everything so i often get annoyed by bright glares even if there's nothing to people. went to ccp just now, and passed by this shop selling sunglasses so i decided to go check it out! then after that there was a promo, like u buy one pair u get 10% discount and if you get 2 pairs, you get 20% discount for both! ^o^ so there was this other guy that was buying oso and we combined tgt ^^ mine was initially $33 but after discount it's $26.40 (: i always thought Polaroid sunglasses were expensive o.o decided to try and test it out like how this physics teacher told me when i went to the tjc school tour thingy xD and it really works!!! :OOOO my sunglasses are white framed with black lenses ^~^ they can hang on my specs so i can actually see where i'm gg when i decide to wear sunglasses HAHA and it's really so good omg!! my eye...

just feel like writing some poetic/lyric-y stuff that i've thought about and accumulated for some time now. watch that sliver of hope fade away, from it's magnificent silver to a dull grey just let me be, set me free please let me be who i want to be you don't need to worry, i'll do fine on my own even if i don't, i promise i won't ask you for a loan  (i promise you this is not from SM The Ballad's Set Me Free. I honestly wrote a song titled this when i was in primary school but i lost the lyrics when i lost my thumbdrive fml. didn't really compose anything so meh) (see how long i've already been thinking about this? SINCE PRIMARY SCHOOL) don't think you know who i am. haven't you heard?  walk a mile in their shoes before you judge them .  don't think you know me so well. because when you take a test on me , you'll fail. you appear like magic, and disappear like magic tell me who you are, tell me what you want. who said you could po...

i thought about this on monday, when i was trying to run 2.4. i really feel like getting someone to push me down a flight of stairs rn. i really can't run. i really don't want to run. i want to injure myself so that i don't have to run. i can't run. i'm serious. every time i run, my chest starts to tighten up and my throat becomes super dry and sometimes i can't seem to breath properly. dad joked that he had to bring me to go see a doctor cos it could be a heart condition but i don't think so la. maybe i'm just too unfit but that's ohkay i want someone to push me down a flight of stairs. best case scenario: i sprain my leg for a short while. why? because no napfa. and i'll recover fast enough to be able to do ballet. i don't want to run but i want to dance see my dilemma? if i break my leg, that's not a good thing.... because ballet. if i get into a coma, i don't mind. i might sleep through o's! i might not have to meet so many pe...

leave my kpop alone. insult me for all i care. i know i'm dumb i know i can't do anything anyway. but don't you drag kpop into this. i feel happy when i listen to their songs, i feel happy when i watch their videos. isn't that what life is about? being happy? i'm still studying and trying hard in school. it's not like i dropped out to be a sasaeng to stalk them or anything. and i don't fritter away money to buy ALL their merch. i take some time to consider if it's worth buying and such, i don't just grab everything that can be bought. i don't know why you carry so much resentment towards them. really tell me why do you hate it so much? you're always insulting them, always telling me to stop. if so, shouldn't you stop first? i'm not the one who comes home everyday to watch running man or some kdrama that i'm too lazy to know the name of, neglecting all work until it turns to the wee hours of the morning and start to do them. i'...

so i saw this thing on tumblr and i decided to do it too!! my post: Reblog with your Personality types bolded, for your own reference, or for your followers to get to know you better! Add some others if you know any (such as Hogwarts houses: not a typical personality test, but they give other people insight into what you’re like!) Ones with free online tests are linked. Name:  Hope Zodiac: Aries, Taurus,  Gemini , Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Saggitarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces. Myers-Briggs [ x ]: ISTJ, ISFJ, INFJ, INTJ ,  ISTP, ISFP,  INFP , INTP, ESTP, ESFP, ENFP, ENFJ, ESFJ, ESTJ, ESFJ, ENFJ, ENTJ. The Four Temperaments [ x ]: Melancholic, Phlegmatic, Choleric,  Sanguine . Enneagram [ x ]: Type 1, Type 2, Type 3, Type 4,  Type 5 , Type 6, Type 7, Type 8, Type 9. Hogwarts House [ x ]:  Hufflepuff , Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw. (Source:  jethrocane , via  assfaceexo ) the tags: #why are some of my results contradicting otl ...

so two fridays ago (yes i haven't blogged in this long i'm sorry), the washing machine broke down. like we didn't know why but the soap and water just wouldn't drain out so all the soapy clothes were just left there. it happened when i was still in nus so poor mummy had to spend idk how long just to handwash all the clothes ): the previous day or so, it'd already showed some signs??? but we didn't know. the clothes were just really heavy with water but no soap. so mummy just thought that for one moment the machine malfunctioned. but then mummy decided to wash another set of clothes before going to sleep that night and told me to hang them up cos yknow, i don't sleep early at all? :P when i opened the machine, EVERYTHING HAD SOAP IN IT. when i told mummy she was like "shiiiiittt" lol. and i didn't know how to hand wash the clothes so mummy was telling daddy to show me and stuff but i think he interpreted it as mummy telling him to wash it so he ...

we look like surgeons 8) ohkay! so i actually meant to blog about this yesterday, but then i was busy cleaning up my slime which i gave up on cos damn that thing is so high maintenance i cannot. anyways, so i went to NUS last friday! oh wow that's a week ago :O it was really fun omg :D so in my class, 4 ppl went. me, mon, ravin and mathilda. ravin and mathilda were staying back for amath so me and mon went to have lunch. cos yknow the next time we were gonna eat was prolly around 7 when the whole thing ends. mon initially wanted to go to this well-known noodle shop but apparently it was spicy and i can't take spicy >< so we settled for this indian store near our school and food's so good!!! esp their ikan billis HAHA we ordered fried rice w ikan billis and it turned out that the fried rice had chilli padi in it OTL. but it's ohkay! even though it was spicy, it was nice! :D and it's affordable too! normally it's $4 but students have a 10% discount~ so then ...

heylo!! i just spent the past hour and more on making my blog post for AFF's fifth anniversary!! wow that took me forever and it was quite frustrating and i think if i ever wanted to do it again, i'd have to brush up on my coding skills ;___; anyways, the finished product! (i added a credits at the back of it! it's not here la, hahahha) and to prove that i really did spend that long,,,, the time i posted the blog post (which means it was earlier cos i posted the blog post to make sure that the AFF is 5! was fine. and the time now (which obviously is much later since i had to take time to do this) ohkay! i will go do homework after this! (i hope) loveeeeeeeee Hope™

i know,i'm sorry i still need to blog about a few things. namely (just to remind myself) my trip to nus and then the washing machine broke down and then my trip to tanjung sepat right, hello!!!!! hehehehe omg i really love Toheart's Sukira speed quiz thingy xD these are my tags when i reblogged the video: ehehehe omg i can't believe that key decided to call n!!!! xDDDDDD when were they close? i don't rmb much SHINee VIXX interactions >< usually it's VIXXo and BToVIXX. never........ SHINeVIXX...??? hahhaha xD added a new tag: #oh oh oh and when n set his call tone to his own song AHAHHAHA our confident ahjumma <3 [edit]  and also when key asked n what his middle school (?) was, N was like "Daejeon middle school!!" or something when key is from Daegu haha xD i'm quite sure he got that mixed up cos hyukkie is from daejeon :P [edited; 210314] my feels are all in the tags happy reading~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I4b...

GUYS. I AM SCARED NOW. THOUGH NOT AS SCARED AS BEFORE, STILL SCARED. just got off the phone from talking to eyjj. why aren't i outside talking to her? exactly what i'm getting at. so just now when i was outside talking to her, as we were talking halfway suddenly there was this really high pitched sound. according to her it was a hello, according to me it was a meow. omg..... THERE WAS NO ONE BEHIND ME AND NO ONE BEHIND HER AND I WAS SO SCARED OHKAY. fml. just quickly ran back home hahahhaha holy shizz. we're concluding that it's someone from downstairs or upstairs coming home, and we'll test out that theory during the hols... ohkay... we will... this is our kkt message: bold = me italics = her Omg my heart OMG IKR what was it ah? It sounded like a meow???? No it was a voice That said hello! A WOMAN'S VOICE Omg OMG SERIOUSLY Scared scared scared  LIKE A REALLY HIGH PITCHED ONE RIGHT YES I thought it was a car (cat) meowing!!!!! HOLY SHIT I AM LEGIT SCARED NOW WHO...

fell asleep in the bus today! it's been such a long time since i actually managed to fall asleep in the bus. guess i was just too tired haha. not exactly asleep-asleep tho. my eyes were half close but my brain pretty much shut down so it was as good as sleeping. missed my stop but heng only one hahahha. bought coffee cos srsly i was damn tired idek why. cam said she wanted to wake me up, but the guy sitting next to me was blocking her so she couldn't wake me up. sigh ): it's fine~ (: bio spa today so screwed. FORGOT TO WEAR MY GOGGLES. fuck. didn't wear it for the first expt but did it for the rest. and also got back to guitar! not really, just relearnt a few chords today and tried to play a few songs now my fingers hurt but i'm still typing. feel honored. lolx i like sleep (: i look forward to the march hols~ Hope™

you're the one that downloaded this shitty thing and dk how to fix it and yet you have the audacity to yell at me for complaining. makes sense? i think not. in the end wasn't i the one that solved the problem?? fucking hell i'm not trying to defame the app or anything, so i won't say the name. but THIS particular app with a blue box is fucking annoying. i don't give a shit how it connects my devices together. it's fucking annoying. notifications keep popping up all the time and there isn't even a checkbox where i can say stop fucking asking me. whatever. maybe it's cos idk how to use this shit but i really hate it and if only i could uninstall in from the computer.

Hey~ im in the middle of a power outage now and it's not just my unit but my whole block!!!! First time it has happened and it's kindda cool....? LOL Really hope no one is in ths lift >< Anyways, so while everyone was using a white torch to navigate their way, i so cool i so hip i used my SHINee World lightstick B) ehehehe it rhymed ^^ It's so bright!!! See? SHINee lights up our lives ^^ mum was shocked it was so bright: D So when everyone's lights were either white or orange, mine was turquoise!!! ^~^ It blacked out when i was about to go drink 鸡精 haha. At first i tot is our light prob. thEN I realised that they weren't gonna come back and ma and dad were asking around... like if i was fine i think? Turns out a lot of blocks were affected. Like my whole block, and a block or so quite far away from me. O.o Yknow, i stupidly wanted to enter the lift just now otw down. cOS It happened to stop at my floor, so there was light from it (mum and dad say that it's...

so idk if it's the sch that's irresponsible or my teachers who are irresponsible. normally we're informed of phototaking pretty early, right? WRONG. today i had phototaking and i only knew about it today!!! wtaf??!?!?!??!?!? like this morning miss yeo just suddenly told the class that we have phototaking ._. and cam was also informed last min ytd that we had phototaking for cca. o.o so we were all like "walao! i today anyhow tie my hair leh!!!" lolx xD mdm aishah seemed really enthu about phototaking, and actually let us off 5 mins early or so so that we could check our hair and everything xP and she was going around telling us to take the clips off our belts or straighten our collars and everything xD so for fun shot, our class did this photo-ception thing where everyone pretended to be taking selfies while the camera took a photo of us! xD can't wait to see how it came out x) then for cca, the sec 4s sat infront!!!! how weird is that lol. first time in all t...

guys~ had training ytd and aqilah was laughing at me, talking about the number of fucks i give for training. ohkay it's not that i didn't give a shit about training ohkay! honestly! my bowling shirt was still wet cos lazy me only finally washed it the day before. then i put a post-it on my phone to remind me to take my bowling bag, but i still forgot!!! so anyways, completely didn't bowl ytd. went for training for 1 hr then left for ballet HEHE. left my water bottle in school too!!!! )))): message laoshi to ask if he was still in sch and to see if he could help me check if my water bottle was there (sent him a pic too) but i forgot that he was on course sigh ): but i got it back anyways~ so... ballet was an interesting one! apparently our grande allegro sucks balls so miss wah decided to have a one-on-one with everyone, while the rest have to wait outside and practice. THE CORRIDORS WERE SO SMALL AND IT WAS SO HOT PRACTICE WHAT. i did try and i did practice a little, but pr...

idk whether to feel nervous or what cos we have bio spa tomorrow!!!! like the actual one for my exams and everything D: sigh i really hope i do well and i don't forget anything! i alr forgot to properly cover the potato strips last year, i don't wanna make a mistake this year @.@ (oh goodness i've been using this emoticon a lot.... at first i started it for fun cos N seems to keep using it and i thought it fit certain situations well but now i use it almost all the time otl) on a side note, THE HAZE IS GETTING REALLY BAD. I ACTUALLY SMELL THE HAZE AND IT STINKS ): the PSI is 76!!!!! it was 80 just now. it's reaching moderate levels alr ohkay. and it's really hazy and blur outside!! like the wind directions aren't even blowing the haze to sg why are we so hazy ya tell me. ): and the pm2.5 is really high too!!!! like 33! ohkay la, maybe not super high but it's making me worried. just a week or so ago it was 18! should i start wearing n95???? hahhahha xD this i...

안녕하세요. 나의 귀....... 나의 코...... ㅠㅠ Omg gais I wanna kill myself now la can  So I stupidly decided to agree with my parents to go for dinner. And now I can't wait for this to end >.>  So firstly an auctioneer is currently blasting my ear off. Idk what they're bidding for???? But he keeps shouting into the mic it's so annoying!!!! The people are like freaking rich??? IDEK how. Mummy says it's cos they're businessmen.  Secondly, there's a smoker in a table diagonally behind me AND HE HAS BEEN SMOKING THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE DINNER FML. Smoke + haze = me die  One interesting thing tho is in the table infront of me, there was only one guy there. He looked so lonely and I really pitied him ): wanted to ask mummy if we should invite him over to our table but... In the end the VIP table invited him over. So I guess it was good that we didn't invite him over??? Haha  The toilet has a terrible flushing system. I need to go toilet now prolly won't flush the toilet...

GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS MY FAVOURITE BOY BAND IS NOW BOYS' DAY OMG HAHHAHA. DID YOU SEE THEIR PERFORMANCE THEY WERE SO GOOD I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. IT WAS SO NICE TO WATCH GAAHHHHHH their interview!! holy nuts hongbin's shoulderrrrrsssss. ever since so hot i alr knew that hongbin had huge shoulders but woahhhhhhh and then Ren OMG HE LOOKS PRETTIER THAN A GIRL WHAT IS THIS. i'm quite sure he didn't even need to wear a wig???? like they just put hair extensions on his already long hair!!! omg and then minhyuk can totally pass as a girl as well!!! but his body's a guy's one ehehehe. and the last guy, seungjin? holy shit he can go be a girl too dammit why are the guys all so pretty?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! now, are ya ready?? ^^ F . M. L. R. I. P. REN WAS TOTALLY IN HIS ZONEEEEEEEE wish they could've performed for a longer time and more screen time tho >< i was kindda disappointed that they did the edited version of the dance??? but sigh, can't be helped :\...

hey guys! haha so i kindda just wanna talk about a few things that happened recently!! xD so anyways i think on thursday, when i was waiting for daddy to send me to school, there was this friendly mother with her daughter at where we were waiting at. she was from the opposite block. then i think like mummy and her look at ea other then just smile politely and stuff, then after that she was like "wah, nowadays all the children all taller than their mothers, i wonder what they eat" LOL xD i hear that i'm tall so much alr but the way she said it was interesting hahah anyways so we chatted a bit and her son was like 186???? woah. and he's 17???? omg hahahha. then after that mummy was like "wow lee xian, you found someone tall enough now! should go tell that auntie!" lol pls. see if he fit my criteria first. i think i've mentioned my criteria before? hehe xD then after that you know what happened during the education fair thingy... so yesterday, i went to rgs...

Im sorry that i ramble so much. i guess it's part of my talkative nature and i just tend to do this everytime i feel troubled/do a deep reflection...

'SUP. SO i just came back from tkss' education fair or something and sighhhhhhhhhh SOMEtimes i really dislike stuff like that but i think it will be better for me to find our stuff like this >< I still dont even know if i want to go jc or poly! If jc, what subject combi? IF poly, what course??? OFc i have a few set ones like i prolly wanna be in media or arts... prebably acting or something like that. I really like acting! :3 or i was thinking jewelert design??? I like making jewelery but im not sure if i will really enjoy the course and stuff.... Saw the nafa one just now and also thought about dance... i really like and enjoy dance, but is that what i really want to do? I cant live without dance, but im v scared that i'll get sick of it, scared that i'll start dislikig it and everything!!! It already happened to me once and i dont want a repeat because i was this close to quitting ballet! Thankfully i didnt tho (: im really scared.... scared that i wont be happy...

GAIS GAIS GAIS GAIS GAIS GAIS TODAY MARKS THE DAY THAT I CAN ACTUALLY PLAY A HAND FLUTE DO YOU BELIEVE IT OMG I HEARD FERN DO IT THE OTHER DAY IN SCH AND I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY COOL SO I TRIED IT TOO BUT OF COURSE IT DIDN'T WORK. AND THEN I TRIED IT AGAIN JUST NOW AND WAS GETTING QUITE FRUSTRATED COS IT DIDN'T WORK EITHER THEN GOT DADDY TO TRY AND HE DID IT FOR A WHILE!!! SO SOMEHOW IDK HOW BUT I MANAGED TO MAKE THE SOUND TOO!!!! OMGGGGG LIKE LOUD AND CLEAR OHKAY I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS :DDDDDD hopeful-lee Hand flute~! Me~! Play GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS  I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO DO A HAND FLUTE OMG I’M SO HAPPY RN XDDD  #hand flute #it took me so long omg #i got really frustrated too #sorry #it sounds really soft and not very goo #d #i just started out #imma practice some other time! #i think i'm annoying people with this hehe #my neighbour just went #enough ahhhh enough ahhhh xD     Reblog YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF MY HAND FLUTE HEREEEE!!! XDDD why am i so happy omg xD show...