Frustratingly Mediocre

ohkay i know we're not supposed to hate ourselves. like yknow, why hate yourself because you're the one who has to spend your entire life with yourself. so  like hating yourself makes no sense bc why hate someone that you're forced to spend every living moment with? but idk sometimes the self-resentment just creeps up a lot.  so yknow how most people entering uni try to apply for scholarships? i applied for ntu and nus scholarship. and like an idiot and procrastinator that i am i thought that for other organisations, scholarships can only be applied when you've gotten confirmation on the course you're entering. of course i was wrong la. ohkay scholarship applications ended like a few days after uni applications ended. so like i essentially only applied for 1 scholarship?? bc i srsly doubt that ntu is gonna accept me.  and like i actl rly had my eye on imda scholarship but idk what came over me and what's wrong w me but like i didn't go and check the scholars...

Ah, praise the Lord for all He has done in my life today. No words can express how thankful I am to Him today. There's really just so much to thank Him for today idk man hahaha >< First off: I got to sleep so much. So to set the atmosphere (?) yesterday was in a way quite a bad day for me? Like I mean church in the morning was great and amazing but after that my mood just took such a steep decline? I was really sian during piano and everything and really couldn't wait for it to end. Then after that I wandered around Bedok Mall aimlessly and mindlessly and thinking about what to get for lunch. By the time I decided, it was kind of too late already so I didn't really have time to get much of any lunch. But then again I guess because of my mood I didn't have much of an appetite anyway. Then after that it was ballet. I guess ballet was ohkay? I guess it's my attention-seeking side trying to burst out but I guess I wasn't that happy that I was right at the back...

왜 나 너무 쉽게  올러? 이 포스트  의미없어요. 그냥, 나 말 원해. 말 원했지만, 한국어 너무 못해요. 아, 한국 너무 보고싶어... 진짜 혼자 가고싶어. 하지만, 부무님이 동의않에요. 아, 어떡하지? 어절 수 없어... 진짜, 나혼자싶어.... 아무사람이 또 무관심, 그냥 나랑 나, 나랑 예술님. 아는 사람이 필요 없어.

i feel like recently my feelings towards my parents have been fluctuating like some rollercoaster. one moment i just wanna spend time with them. be it going out shopping, watching a movie, having a meal or simply just standing around talking to them. and then the next i just want them to get lost and go away. or  i just wanna hide by myself and i dont wanna tell them anything anymore. i hate to use this lame old excuse but am i pmsing lmao cos i think it should be around now that i pms?? lmao idk i feel like it's such an overused excuse and everything but urgh i dont even know why i'm so upset and why i'm so hung up over the smallest of things rn. i sound like some petty infant omg.  parents are always asking why their children don't ever tell them anything anymore. or like why their children dont open up about their lives to them. but when we do? all we get is scolded. as if we damn noisy like that. then i dont talk leh? ask me why i throw tantrum. whatever la. whateve...