Frustratingly Mediocre

Hey, 21st feb marks 1 month. It's been a month since i last saw you in person. How are you doing now? How are you doing in army? You have 23 more months to go. Jiayouuu hahahah. Or i should say fighting!! Right? :p Anyway, this month's been hard. It really has. From thinking i was over it to falling back so hard in, to now where well, i'm still affected, no doubt. But im moving on i guess? Im moving forward; looking forward and i just know that God's got a great plan for me. Whether i get to see you again, whether anything will happen between us again, God's got it all worked out and i just have to trust. Sometimes i wonder if it's hard for you; if you stay up late thinking of the time we spent together, if you just go about doing daily stuff and then suddenly something pops up and reminds you of me. Or maybe, well, you've completely forgotten me and dont even care anymore. Either way, we all have to move forward, don't we? That's the only place we...

I wonder if there will come a time where i wont lay in bed and cry thinking of the memories we shared together. I wonder if there will come a time where i dont look at random things in the day and think of you. I wonder if there will come a time where i will essentially forget you, and when we meet again, only the memories of friendship will be with me.

impossibile vivere terry That's what was written inside, wasn't it? Maybe it ended up being true. I keep dreaming of you recently. Keep thinking of you. So much more than the second wk u left. The first i was in just some depressive ass state and the second, it seemed like things were going up. That maybe i was getting better and i'll be able to tide this through. But it's the third week now and it seems like everything too 20 steps back. Maybe i just think this way now because honestly it's only been a short while. Maybe i wont end up becoming a crazy cat lady next time. Maybe i'll end up finding another guy and in 10years' time i'll have a family with a hopefully 2-year-old toddling around. Maybe. Maybe i'm just far too short sighted (both literally and metaphorically lol) to understand the things that are going on now. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe one day i'll look back to this time in my life and smile at how sad i was being withou...

It's been 2 weeks since you've left and a week since you enlisted. Idk if you read the last message i sent to you, a day before your enlistment. It was just something i sent to help me come to terms w the fact that youre really gonna be gone for 2 years and ive been trying to stop myself from going in to check if the '1' is missing. I mean, what good would it do for me right? Even though i say im resigned to whatever life has, that i just have to take things as it goes, that there's nothing i can do now and there's nothing in my control, it still hurts, i guess. When i go about life and think of how it would be like if you were here too. It's the first day of cny, but you can't get out of camp to celebrate with your family, can you? That's tough... hope you're at least having some celebrations in camp! And i hope training hasnt been too harsh on you. But you're so fit i think you'd do fine hahahaha Anyway as i was saying. I think it sti...