Into the New World

1 June 2021 0900

It's going to be the time I start my first day of work, my very legit first step into the working world and away from the shelter of being a student. It's also the same day and time I will be receiving the last of my results from my very last semester at NUS. 

Guess this is it; a new chapter of my life has begun. The uni that I feared so much to graduate from has left me behind and here I am trying to navigate life in this new world I have barely gotten to explore despite doing an internship previously. 

My comfort is that I'm working in an online publication that focuses on Korean culture, lifestyle, music, beauty, etc. Basically everything haha. And it's comforting to know that this is where my interest lies and it's something that I actually legitimately want to do. Like, it's not something where I'm still hesitant about. 

Honestly, it checks all the boxes on what I was looking for in my job: being able to do what I like (i.e. creating); having a chance to practice my Korean; being allowed to dye my hair crazy colours. 

If that's the case, why am I feeling so anxious about it now? Why am I feeling so anxious about the fact that in around 10 hours I will be starting my first day there? 

I wonder if it's because of this notion I've carried with me since I entered uni: once I graduate, my life is over. I've always seen uni as my last chance at life before the hamster wheel of work life takes over.

Gone are my free days when I have no lessons, my promised three-month and one-month holidays where I can have absolutely zero responsibility if I so choose. In comes the obligations of being awake by a certain time everyday, having to be at my desk for a stipulated number of hours, a maximum of 14 days A YEAR of freedom yet this freedom does not promise a responsibility-free one. I will no longer have the time to pursue other projects I had been considering in the past (unless somehow I'm still alive after eight hours of work)... 

It all sounds so frightening and I don't know if I'm ready for this. It's terrifying to think about all this now. To think that when I wake up tomorrow I'm not Hope the undergrad but Hope the intern who is looking to become a full-timer.

Am I even ready? 

Then again, most people probably aren't ready for the things that they're given in life. They're just thrown into that situation and told to make do. Sink or swim, really. 

Will I be able to swim? 

So many questions are in my mind now, so many what ifs, so many worries, so many... thoughts... 

Here is me, stepping into the new world. The working world. Time waits for no one and certainly doesn't stop just because some little girl doesn't want to grow up. All those years of wishing I was big as a child, what a moron I'd been. 

God please help this physically not small but realistically pretty small child that's been pushed to run when she's barely learnt how to walk. I'm committing my life into Your hands. 

Hope™