I Miss My Parents
When I was younger, all I could think about was staying alone; being under no one's authority and being able to control all that I did from when I woke up til when I slept. I dreamt of living in a dorm, or living overseas, having those few days, months maybe even years of being alone and having my parents off my back. I dreamt of doing things alone - solo vacations, mostly. I even used to think that I would definitely not be that child that would want to live with her parents after getting married (i.e. having three generations in one roof.)
Now that I'm all the way here in the Netherlands without home just being a 1.5 hour train ride away, I find all those beliefs starting to make a 180 degree change. Suddenly, I don't want to be alone anymore. Suddenly, I don't want to only see my parents through video call, to only be able to hear their voice every other day, not even in real life but over the phone. I miss having their presence around me. I miss knowing that everyone is just a shout away. When I was in Paris with my friends, all I could think about was how my parents would love it there - how I wanted to bring my parents over to Paris and let them experience what I had experienced (minus the craziness, of course. That will be said some other day, maybe.)
Most importantly, the thoughts of being that child that lives with her parents after marriage are so strong. Although of course, it's something that leaves to be discussed with both my future husband, his family and my family - not every parent is someone who wants to stay with their child.
I've always held this belief that parents should never guilt trip their child(ren) into taking care of them in their old age. They should never pull the "I did so much for you" or "I gave up so much for you" card just to make sure their child assumes the responsibility of their aged selves. Instead, they should be such good parents that their child can't help but want to take care of them in their old age. Their child wants to make sure that they're living healthily and happily, bring them on vacations and make sure that they have enough food and a warm roof over their heads. Of course, I can't speak from the perspective of a parent - I only speak from the perspective of having them.
And I think my parents did a pretty damn good job. Although we fight a lot and we disagree on many things and we ALL don't express ourselves very well with each other, I think my parents have did such an amazing job with my brother and I. They're not perfect, but they're pretty darn close. They make me want to be like them when I become a parent too, minus some parts that I didn't really like of them as a child haha.
That being said, I believe that my parents will never need to (nor have they ever) use the guilt trip tactic to make sure my brother and I take care of them in the future. In fact, I feel that need to take care of them when I go out into the world even now. I know that I'm not doing this because I feel like I need to, like I owe them something. Instead, I'm doing this because I want to. I want to be the one who takes care of them, I want to be the one to give them that amazing retired life of travelling and enjoying life without worries and stress.
Anyway, with the mess that this post has been, I just really want to say that I miss them so much. It intensified so much in Paris. I miss them so much and I can't wait to see them again.
I'm so thankful.
Hope™
Now that I'm all the way here in the Netherlands without home just being a 1.5 hour train ride away, I find all those beliefs starting to make a 180 degree change. Suddenly, I don't want to be alone anymore. Suddenly, I don't want to only see my parents through video call, to only be able to hear their voice every other day, not even in real life but over the phone. I miss having their presence around me. I miss knowing that everyone is just a shout away. When I was in Paris with my friends, all I could think about was how my parents would love it there - how I wanted to bring my parents over to Paris and let them experience what I had experienced (minus the craziness, of course. That will be said some other day, maybe.)
Most importantly, the thoughts of being that child that lives with her parents after marriage are so strong. Although of course, it's something that leaves to be discussed with both my future husband, his family and my family - not every parent is someone who wants to stay with their child.
I've always held this belief that parents should never guilt trip their child(ren) into taking care of them in their old age. They should never pull the "I did so much for you" or "I gave up so much for you" card just to make sure their child assumes the responsibility of their aged selves. Instead, they should be such good parents that their child can't help but want to take care of them in their old age. Their child wants to make sure that they're living healthily and happily, bring them on vacations and make sure that they have enough food and a warm roof over their heads. Of course, I can't speak from the perspective of a parent - I only speak from the perspective of having them.
And I think my parents did a pretty damn good job. Although we fight a lot and we disagree on many things and we ALL don't express ourselves very well with each other, I think my parents have did such an amazing job with my brother and I. They're not perfect, but they're pretty darn close. They make me want to be like them when I become a parent too, minus some parts that I didn't really like of them as a child haha.
That being said, I believe that my parents will never need to (nor have they ever) use the guilt trip tactic to make sure my brother and I take care of them in the future. In fact, I feel that need to take care of them when I go out into the world even now. I know that I'm not doing this because I feel like I need to, like I owe them something. Instead, I'm doing this because I want to. I want to be the one who takes care of them, I want to be the one to give them that amazing retired life of travelling and enjoying life without worries and stress.
Anyway, with the mess that this post has been, I just really want to say that I miss them so much. It intensified so much in Paris. I miss them so much and I can't wait to see them again.
I'm so thankful.
Hope™
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