照顾孩子的人生真伟大
so on tuesday, i helped my mum babysit my little 23-month-old niece! she was sppd to start nursery in oct so her grandfather (who usually takes care of her) decided to go back and work a little bit but then some stuff happened and then she will end up gg in dec or something so there had to be someone there to take care of her and it was sppd to only be my mum at first but since it was my free day, i decided to tag along HOHO
i have this whole highlight reel on my insta detailing my day w her (i spammed igstory like crazy that day OOPS) but i'm just gonna say some final thoughts bc i think this is something really worth saying.
you know how many people say they want children/they want how many children, etc. etc. and start talking about their future family and things like that? i think most of the times when we say stuff like that, we never really take into consideration just how difficult it is to raise a child. i mean ive heard of stories from my cousins and stuff about how newborns are super tiring to take care of bc they can't do anything by themselves so you always have to do everything for them and they wake up at the oddest hours crying for milk and all that. but i've never really heard much about when they're toddlers and i always thought hm maybe it won't be that bad. after all i only ever play a little bit w my nephews/nieces during cny and other family gatherings so i'm only really there to play and not really do any of the taking care. this time taking care of kym is my legit first foray into taking care of a child.
things started out rough.
for starters kym is v 黏 her grandfather. so when she didn't see him in the morning, we made the mistake of telling her that he was at work and she proceeded to be inconsolable for the next 30 minutes with legit screaming cries and i honestly felt quite bad cos it was like 8:30 and we were probably disturbing people w her cries.
but ANYWAY the thing abt kym entering her terrible twos is that she's quite defiant; she won't listen to you saying "no no" anymore and will just do whatever the hell she wants. and also she's damn smart so she learns very quickly from us and yknow for us adults sometimes we don't realise that we're teaching bad habits to children when we do what we normally do. like we tell her not to climb on the table (bc she's so small and the distance btwn her and the floor is great) but for us we sit on the coffee table when talking in a grp (bc we're big enough anyway we won't fall and receive grave injuries) but bc she sees us doing that she does it too and it's like yknow unintentionally 教坏孩子 hahhaha
so instead of detailing my day (which i almost did but stopped myself bc i realised everything can be seen on igstory) i just wanna say my overall thoughts.
taking care of a child is hard.
really hard.
you constantly have to look after them, make sure they're fed, showered, and not doing anything dangerous. correct bad behaviour, commend good behaviour, stress over whether you're teaching the right things to them...there's really so much that comes to taking care of a child.
i was ready to call it a day since 11am tbh.
it's not that i hate playing with children. but yknow it just gets tiring bc sometimes u just want time for yourself to lie down and chill and like watch videos or stuff. i could barely text sb when i was w her cos i didn't want to let her see me using my phone when i'm playing w her cos idk i feel like it may send a bad message? but really. i had so many whatsapp messages to reply, wanted to talk to sb, wanted to scroll insta a bit, wanted to watch this new video that came out, wanted to just sit and lie down or something but then i tried not to. and tried to just entertain her all the way bc i think as children if you don't play w them and things like that it could affect them??? haha idk i'm not paediatrician. but yknow
and it just really made me see and understand just how much these people who took care of us when we were children really sacrificed and went through. it also made me understand why some parents (that i may or may not sometimes scoff at when i see them) just throw a phone/ipad to their child to shut them up from hours on end - because sometimes it really does get a bit too much and you just want your own space and not have to deal with a hyperactive toddler trying to put batteries in their mouth.
we always complain about how our parents don't let us do this don't let us do that - especially during those preteen and adolescent years when you want to do a myriad of things and some may not be that um beneficial for us but did we ever stop to think how much our parents gave up when we were children? did they not want to go out with their friends too? did they not want to be able to just focus and finish up on an upcoming project without a screaming child crying for milk on the side? did they not want their own time that didn't require getting up everything 3 hours to feed an infant that more often than not fell asleep when drinking milk?
it's really amazing, how much love can make one do. and it really makes me appreciate my own parents, grandparents and whoever that took care of me when i was a chaotic two-year-old. can you imagine? i did it for only a day and i was so tired out i had a 4 hour nap that if i were taking care of kym myself would have been disastrous. can you imagine parents/grandparents/caretakers who do it day in day out until the child ultimately grows up and thinks that they don't need them anymore and leave to live their own lives?
for these people who sacrificed countless years of their life putting us before themselves, how would it be like to watch a child fall away from you and just cut you out of their life? or take you for granted and shout at you and ditch you for last minute plans with friends?
i remember a talk from when i was 12 that really impacted me and opened my eyes to just how much my parents do for me. and really i think it changed my perspective on my parents.
although i'm still not that amazing child that does everything for her parents, has the best relationship with them and everything, i'm trying. sometimes i still get angry, i flare up and shout at them too. maybe it's because we live in such close quarters that sometimes these are the people you don't mind just shouting at because either way they still have to be by your side - they're your parents. what can they do? disown you?? nah i don't think they'll have the heart to do so. so we mistake that tolerance and love as a pass to just take out our frustrations on them.
i'm constantly reminded of Proverbs 15:1 - a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. when i get into arguments with my parents, i tend to ask myself what brought about that argument in the first place. and when i think harder, i realise that it was really just a frustrated YA LA YA LA to their question of "have you bathed?" that sparked an argument because really, who likes to be treated like that? like you're some inconvenience, some nuisance that bugs someone else? i'm trying to respond better but sometimes it just comes out. like think about it: you don't really ever respond like that to your friends, so why is it that you respond so harshly to your own parents? because they have no choice but to stay?
i read a friend's insta post about how our parents are there from the time we are born but yet friends who've known us for only a few years know us better than our parents; we choose to share our concerns with people who've known us for only a fraction of our life instead of the people who've known us for all of our lives. and i think this is so true. yet, i also feel it's inevitable. i feel that there'll always be things you won't share with your parents because... well that's just how things are. are you gonna tell your parents your relationship concerns? maybe? but more often than not we feel uncomfortable doing it. and as i was just reflecting on this issue, i came to the conclusion that that's just how it'll be. just because you've been with someone longer doesn't mean that you're more comfortable sharing with them things. and even though i know it'll hurt when my child doesn't want to share their concerns with me and instead seeks out other friends, i think i will just have to remind myself that i was like that too. that maybe this is a natural order of things. that there are some things a parent doesn't need to know. that it's only natural if someone who's only known my child for 4 years knows him/her better than i do. and i think i'm ohkay with that. but i guess it'll still sting, huh?
anyway, i think we really ought to give a great big thank you to these people in our lives. these people who sacrificed years of their life for ours. we really need to see things from their view and understand where they come from too.
it's not always just about us.
Hope™
ps. if anyone reads this and comes from a broken family and can't relate and feels that i'm spouting biased rubbish, i apologise. i'm speaking from the perspective of an insanely blessed girl so i may not be able to understand the not-so-good childhoods that others may experience. i apologise for that.
i have this whole highlight reel on my insta detailing my day w her (i spammed igstory like crazy that day OOPS) but i'm just gonna say some final thoughts bc i think this is something really worth saying.
you know how many people say they want children/they want how many children, etc. etc. and start talking about their future family and things like that? i think most of the times when we say stuff like that, we never really take into consideration just how difficult it is to raise a child. i mean ive heard of stories from my cousins and stuff about how newborns are super tiring to take care of bc they can't do anything by themselves so you always have to do everything for them and they wake up at the oddest hours crying for milk and all that. but i've never really heard much about when they're toddlers and i always thought hm maybe it won't be that bad. after all i only ever play a little bit w my nephews/nieces during cny and other family gatherings so i'm only really there to play and not really do any of the taking care. this time taking care of kym is my legit first foray into taking care of a child.
things started out rough.
for starters kym is v 黏 her grandfather. so when she didn't see him in the morning, we made the mistake of telling her that he was at work and she proceeded to be inconsolable for the next 30 minutes with legit screaming cries and i honestly felt quite bad cos it was like 8:30 and we were probably disturbing people w her cries.
but ANYWAY the thing abt kym entering her terrible twos is that she's quite defiant; she won't listen to you saying "no no" anymore and will just do whatever the hell she wants. and also she's damn smart so she learns very quickly from us and yknow for us adults sometimes we don't realise that we're teaching bad habits to children when we do what we normally do. like we tell her not to climb on the table (bc she's so small and the distance btwn her and the floor is great) but for us we sit on the coffee table when talking in a grp (bc we're big enough anyway we won't fall and receive grave injuries) but bc she sees us doing that she does it too and it's like yknow unintentionally 教坏孩子 hahhaha
so instead of detailing my day (which i almost did but stopped myself bc i realised everything can be seen on igstory) i just wanna say my overall thoughts.
taking care of a child is hard.
really hard.
you constantly have to look after them, make sure they're fed, showered, and not doing anything dangerous. correct bad behaviour, commend good behaviour, stress over whether you're teaching the right things to them...there's really so much that comes to taking care of a child.
i was ready to call it a day since 11am tbh.
it's not that i hate playing with children. but yknow it just gets tiring bc sometimes u just want time for yourself to lie down and chill and like watch videos or stuff. i could barely text sb when i was w her cos i didn't want to let her see me using my phone when i'm playing w her cos idk i feel like it may send a bad message? but really. i had so many whatsapp messages to reply, wanted to talk to sb, wanted to scroll insta a bit, wanted to watch this new video that came out, wanted to just sit and lie down or something but then i tried not to. and tried to just entertain her all the way bc i think as children if you don't play w them and things like that it could affect them??? haha idk i'm not paediatrician. but yknow
and it just really made me see and understand just how much these people who took care of us when we were children really sacrificed and went through. it also made me understand why some parents (that i may or may not sometimes scoff at when i see them) just throw a phone/ipad to their child to shut them up from hours on end - because sometimes it really does get a bit too much and you just want your own space and not have to deal with a hyperactive toddler trying to put batteries in their mouth.
we always complain about how our parents don't let us do this don't let us do that - especially during those preteen and adolescent years when you want to do a myriad of things and some may not be that um beneficial for us but did we ever stop to think how much our parents gave up when we were children? did they not want to go out with their friends too? did they not want to be able to just focus and finish up on an upcoming project without a screaming child crying for milk on the side? did they not want their own time that didn't require getting up everything 3 hours to feed an infant that more often than not fell asleep when drinking milk?
it's really amazing, how much love can make one do. and it really makes me appreciate my own parents, grandparents and whoever that took care of me when i was a chaotic two-year-old. can you imagine? i did it for only a day and i was so tired out i had a 4 hour nap that if i were taking care of kym myself would have been disastrous. can you imagine parents/grandparents/caretakers who do it day in day out until the child ultimately grows up and thinks that they don't need them anymore and leave to live their own lives?
for these people who sacrificed countless years of their life putting us before themselves, how would it be like to watch a child fall away from you and just cut you out of their life? or take you for granted and shout at you and ditch you for last minute plans with friends?
i remember a talk from when i was 12 that really impacted me and opened my eyes to just how much my parents do for me. and really i think it changed my perspective on my parents.
although i'm still not that amazing child that does everything for her parents, has the best relationship with them and everything, i'm trying. sometimes i still get angry, i flare up and shout at them too. maybe it's because we live in such close quarters that sometimes these are the people you don't mind just shouting at because either way they still have to be by your side - they're your parents. what can they do? disown you?? nah i don't think they'll have the heart to do so. so we mistake that tolerance and love as a pass to just take out our frustrations on them.
i'm constantly reminded of Proverbs 15:1 - a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. when i get into arguments with my parents, i tend to ask myself what brought about that argument in the first place. and when i think harder, i realise that it was really just a frustrated YA LA YA LA to their question of "have you bathed?" that sparked an argument because really, who likes to be treated like that? like you're some inconvenience, some nuisance that bugs someone else? i'm trying to respond better but sometimes it just comes out. like think about it: you don't really ever respond like that to your friends, so why is it that you respond so harshly to your own parents? because they have no choice but to stay?
i read a friend's insta post about how our parents are there from the time we are born but yet friends who've known us for only a few years know us better than our parents; we choose to share our concerns with people who've known us for only a fraction of our life instead of the people who've known us for all of our lives. and i think this is so true. yet, i also feel it's inevitable. i feel that there'll always be things you won't share with your parents because... well that's just how things are. are you gonna tell your parents your relationship concerns? maybe? but more often than not we feel uncomfortable doing it. and as i was just reflecting on this issue, i came to the conclusion that that's just how it'll be. just because you've been with someone longer doesn't mean that you're more comfortable sharing with them things. and even though i know it'll hurt when my child doesn't want to share their concerns with me and instead seeks out other friends, i think i will just have to remind myself that i was like that too. that maybe this is a natural order of things. that there are some things a parent doesn't need to know. that it's only natural if someone who's only known my child for 4 years knows him/her better than i do. and i think i'm ohkay with that. but i guess it'll still sting, huh?
anyway, i think we really ought to give a great big thank you to these people in our lives. these people who sacrificed years of their life for ours. we really need to see things from their view and understand where they come from too.
it's not always just about us.
Hope™
ps. if anyone reads this and comes from a broken family and can't relate and feels that i'm spouting biased rubbish, i apologise. i'm speaking from the perspective of an insanely blessed girl so i may not be able to understand the not-so-good childhoods that others may experience. i apologise for that.
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