"Have I Paid You Back?"
"Did you check? Have I paid you back (for the amount I spent on the subsidiary card last month)?"
"Not yet."
"Not yet as in you haven't checked or I haven't paid?"
"Not yet as in I haven't checked."
As I utter those words, I'm brought back to a time in my childhood. A time probably a decade ago, when I was a mere 10-year-old child (hopefully not) imposing on my cousins and having a sleepover at their house. Back then, the youngest older cousin would have been 20 - 10 years older than me. And as I lay in my make-shift bed, listening to her discuss with one of her older sisters on money issues - "You pay me already?" "I pay already right?" "How much I owe you?" - I remember saying something along the lines of "wow... I thought all siblings just shared the money they had and are not so 計較 over money matters" and she had said that they preferred to keep track of their expenses and spend their own money.
Of course, being only a child then and not having any income and just taking everything from my parents, I didn't really understand that whole event. To me, it felt weird. Isn't it what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours? Isn't that what a family is like? I brushed off that memory into this random part of my brain, only for it to appear in moments like these.
Now, when I'm no longer in my teens, I think of how I've been managing my money in the recent years. Well, I don't exactly have a steady income now and I didn't technically earn the money I have (apart from all that waitressing and calefare gigs), I still look at it like my income. I've learnt how to manage my own money - decide how much to save, how much I can spend, if that $30 lip lacquer set is really worth it(it is cos I get 5 other samples and a bottle of makeup remover), if blowing $15 on kbbq is worth it when I can get food at less than $3 at kopitiam, etc., etc., etc., - all these little events of my life, it has made me realise so much has changed.
I feel like, by paying back what I owe people, even my own family, it gives a sense of pride. Like yes. I spent my own money. This money is mine. I did something to earn it. Whether I dealt with impatient customers, repeated the same scene over and over (in the background I'm not some superstar pls HAHA), or received it from SMD (Scholarship of Mummy and Daddy), all this money was mine. And it gave me this sense of like wow, I've grown up. I can control my own money now. What I do with this money is my business. I can choose to spend it all shopping or gambling or eating, or I can choose to save it all, preparing for that rainy day. Maybe this is what it's like growing up - realising the importance of money and how sometimes, that $25 meal really isn't worth it.
Different things add up to being a grown up. But I hope that even as I mature and grow up, I don't lose that childlike energy and faith that I hope still exists in me.
So yes, we are family. And what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. But sometimes, it's great to just take ownership of the things you buy, the money you spend because then I get to feel like a responsible adult who can pull her own weight and contribute in my family too.
Hope™
"Not yet."
"Not yet as in you haven't checked or I haven't paid?"
"Not yet as in I haven't checked."
As I utter those words, I'm brought back to a time in my childhood. A time probably a decade ago, when I was a mere 10-year-old child (hopefully not) imposing on my cousins and having a sleepover at their house. Back then, the youngest older cousin would have been 20 - 10 years older than me. And as I lay in my make-shift bed, listening to her discuss with one of her older sisters on money issues - "You pay me already?" "I pay already right?" "How much I owe you?" - I remember saying something along the lines of "wow... I thought all siblings just shared the money they had and are not so 計較 over money matters" and she had said that they preferred to keep track of their expenses and spend their own money.
Of course, being only a child then and not having any income and just taking everything from my parents, I didn't really understand that whole event. To me, it felt weird. Isn't it what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours? Isn't that what a family is like? I brushed off that memory into this random part of my brain, only for it to appear in moments like these.
Now, when I'm no longer in my teens, I think of how I've been managing my money in the recent years. Well, I don't exactly have a steady income now and I didn't technically earn the money I have (apart from all that waitressing and calefare gigs), I still look at it like my income. I've learnt how to manage my own money - decide how much to save, how much I can spend, if that $30 lip lacquer set is really worth it
I feel like, by paying back what I owe people, even my own family, it gives a sense of pride. Like yes. I spent my own money. This money is mine. I did something to earn it. Whether I dealt with impatient customers, repeated the same scene over and over (in the background I'm not some superstar pls HAHA), or received it from SMD (Scholarship of Mummy and Daddy), all this money was mine. And it gave me this sense of like wow, I've grown up. I can control my own money now. What I do with this money is my business. I can choose to spend it all shopping or gambling or eating, or I can choose to save it all, preparing for that rainy day. Maybe this is what it's like growing up - realising the importance of money and how sometimes, that $25 meal really isn't worth it.
Different things add up to being a grown up. But I hope that even as I mature and grow up, I don't lose that childlike energy and faith that I hope still exists in me.
So yes, we are family. And what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. But sometimes, it's great to just take ownership of the things you buy, the money you spend because then I get to feel like a responsible adult who can pull her own weight and contribute in my family too.
Hope™
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