Leading Worship
my assumption is that igstory quality is quite horrible so the words can't be read. here's what was written and i just really wanted to note it down here since this blog has followed me through so many events in my life (although i've just gradually decreased the amount of things i blog abt bc procrastinating and lazy and also a lot of time la hor hhahahahha but i'll still try i guess?)
So i made the mistake of typing it straight on ig story and the whole thing got deleted by accident hais ;-;
13 April 2018
First time leading worship in cell. Or really anywhere tbh. And boy was i scared/stressed/anxious/fearful/worried. Did i choose the right songs? What if these songs arent the right songs? Would everyone like the songs? Would the songs even speak to someone? What if i sing off key? What if i don't know where to come in? What if i like break the moment or something like that? Heck would i even know how to close in prayer? What are the words i would say (no pun intended lol)? So many worries were clouding me to the point of crying (':
But yet, im so so so so so thankful for this opportunity to lead worship in cell. So thankful to kh for even giving me the opportunity to do so? Ive been in this cell for 3 years and ive done icebreakers quite a bit but never ever worship before and im really really thankful for this chance (': thank u for guiding me through this even though i was so confused and lost. Thank u for helping me through it. Thank u to the cell for like... going along even when i made mistakes and couldnt get my cue to come in and even had a small hiccup at the front when i yet again couldnt catch when to come in. Thank u for listening to me when i shared some stuff and for being patient when murphy's law happened on me and the guitar strap came loose 💕
And of course thank !!! you !!! so !!! much !!! Pam !!! For contacting me first on whether i needed a guitarist before i even had the chance to ask anyone bc i was too busy drowning in work and rehearsals. Thank u so much for being so patient w me even when i took so long to reply u and when i gave u the songs quite last minute. Im sorry about that really >< thank u for teaching me and helping me and encouraging me. thank uuuu ;-; im sorry if i annoyed u cos i cant catch the key and i cant figure out when to come in for nuts. I learnt today how admirable worship leaders are (i mean i knew all along but ya) like wow. There's so much on them man. It was a really amazing exp leading worship in cell for the first time in my life and im just so thankful for everyone to have helped me?? I was really so scared man hahahah i prayed to be calm and i prayed that things will go well but i was still shaking during worship ahahahahah. Great big big big thanks to everyone really ;-;
Tbh when i first saw that i would be leading worship today, i thought there was a typo and i was sppd to be doing icebreakers. But then i realised that i rly had to do worship and i was abt to flip bc what am i sppd to do??? Ive never done it before??????? But yknow what, 11 April 2015 was the first time i stepped into a church. It was when i joined fcbc and i think it's amazing how another first time, the first time i lead worship in cell falls on the same week of 11 april (:
Really just so thankful. Cell made my sort of bad-ish day to a much better one and im so thankful (':
I really just have to come with the heart of worship and everything will work out right. It will, yeah? Really so grateful, so thankful today.
P.s. i wanted to choose this song also but it didnt seem to fit so ya HAHA (this song being Sidewalk Prophets' The Words I Would Say)
honestly the whole of today has been quite a bad day for me. well, i woke up late which is not a surprise when i slept at close to 4 yesterday but that's not my point and that's not the reason why i felt bad. then well, i guess i did manage to do a good bit of work and studying so that's great. then i decided to dye my hair and it always causes me so much anxiety bc the last time i did it i basically horribly stained my neck and hands and the toilet. and even though i took lots of precaution this time some stuff still happened (which thankfully bc of my precautions aren't serious and have been fixed). but anyway it was really quite frustrating esp bc mummy's plastic gloves were basically a waste of $1 - the moment i put my hand in i would tear the plastic??? i had to wear like three gloves each time in hopes of not staining my hands purple so i used up the entire pack lmao at least now i know what happened to my hand the other time hahahha
and then after that it was dinner w mummy and like i rly wanted teh bing but mummy was like no don't get teh bing bc i was eating duck rice and there was the soup so hot and cold is a no go which i honestly don't think so cos like i've done it before?? but i guess that was just a really small and insignificant thing that agitated me bc i was being rly frustrated about a lot of things (like not being able to find my court shoes to my bag being too bulky it's really just mundane stuff that i experience daily but i'm just irritable today idk why)
(read from bottom up)
then this happened.
and honestly it just added to my frustrations esp cos i was already feeling so bad abt being such a burden to the thailand trip that natasha and i wanna go on during summer (which will be detailed in the next post) so like idk really a lot of things were piling up.
and i'm doing this year in pixels thing rn and i would've labelled today as a bad day but i think cell really helped to pull it up from bad to great?
really thank God so much ah, for this opportunity and for this experience.
Father Lord,
I thank You, Lord. Thank You for letting me be able to do this. I feel like I've grown quite a bit doing this? Even though I'll still be scared the next time I lead worship, I thank You Lord for giving me this experience to lead worship and to learn and grow.
Lord, I pray that as I continue on in my Christian walk, I will have more and more faith each day and that I will have confidence Lord. I pray that I will not be scared and that I will be willing and open to trying new things and helping others. Thank You for this day that You have given me and thank You for making my day better.
Truly Lord, You are good.
In Jesus' Name I pray,
Amen.
Hope™
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