Food for Thought
hey sup it's 2018 already and the first post i do for 2018 is 2 months into the year (': needless to say, there have been so many things that i told myself to blog about but obviously the blood of procrastination in me runs deep. anyway, i'm here to just blog about something that i realised only today.
to give a bigger picture, imma go through the events of the things that have happened today.
so today, i was going for the compulsory cip for rvrc and we were going to the one room rental flats in chaichee to help them clean/paint their house. and apparently we were grouped according to our names' alphabetical order omg haha i didnt even know that i thought it was so 巧 that of the idk how many ppl that signed up me and matthew got in the same grp turns out we're just one after the other in terms of our names in alphabetical order HAHAH but ya that's not the point i just thought it was cool :3 anyway, so our group was just gonna clean the house and help to paint the gate. but when we reached there, we rang the bell (which didn't seem like it was working) and knocked on the door and kind of said in hokkien (i did it, much to the embarrassment of everyone else LMAO) and then desmond (who was the ic and i was the 2nd ic js) went to find the oic person to say that uh... our unit person doesnt seem to be in...????? HAHHA turns out the person didn't even realise/know/remember that he/she signed up for this and was rly confused when they called him/her. hmmm so then we kindda just sat around cos they had to go find another unit for us to go to. oh and when we were waiting, i found out from choonboon (omg did i get his name right he's the person i interacted the least with (':) that the army insect repellent is corrosive and apparently only useful for that one exact spot that it's applied on. HAHAHAHA well, i rmb applying it on my face leh is that why it was slightly burning (':
ohkay this part is purely just for my me to record down what i did today cos well, 难得 i'm blogging again after like a billion years so i should record this down hahaha
the oic is called david and matthew was saying how he shld have brought his guitar so that he can play songs for the elderly too. then we saw that david was carrying a guitar! so i just jokingly told matthew to play it. and david heard so he took out his guitar HAHAHHA twas nice playing a few worship songs and other random stuff (': oh and choonboon went up to one unit to deliver like washing detergent or something and guess what he came down with. a girl. HAHAHAHHA
apparently the girl followed him down and wanted to help us out and ofc how to reject a little girl right so we just played along w her. and she requested songs from alan walker and i was like damn a girl so young listening to such songs?? hahhaha but then again i probs listened to really grown up songs when i was younger. before i started in kpop :3 but yeah. then after that she kept complaining that she was getting bitten by mosquitoes so choonboon brought her to go buy repellent and it was damn funny cos matthew was just walking about with the guitar and playing HAHHAHA and i, being the ever resourceful and quick-thinking person, filmed an impromptu mv. HAHAHAH. also the girl is like 10000000% skinship. HAHHAHAHA she will like grab ur arm, hug u and stuff like that which i was a bit like w0t at first but then she wasn't doing it to me (smart girl so young alr know how to hunt for guys HAHA JK) so i was just having a good time laughing at everyone :3
then when we were sitting down she suddenly asked if she could sit on my lap and i was like uhh sureee..? hahah omg it totally brought me back to the times when junyu was still a kid (and we were still considerably close i guess) and i would be her 'horsey' just like how daddy was for me when i was a kid and i would go around yeye and nainai's old house w her on my back hahahha. but anyway, then there were birds everywhere and she was quite scared of getting bird shit on her i guess so matthew had to go take the umbrella to shelter her HAHAHAHA and then it became her lying on ALL our legs such that we became a bed. and she even grabbed desmond's hand (i think) as a bolster HAHHAHAHA OMG it was a very weird scene to explain to david when he got back (': oh and choonboon bought her a candy ring from the mamashop which she used to prank desmond and 'propose' to him (':
but yeah soon after that we managed to get work to do. so this whole name sorting thing ended up with there being a group of only all girls (and also when i think abt it i'm the only girl in my grp (':) and i was sent to join that one. was a bit sian at first bc omg i have to meet new people??? but turns out it was fine cos ruth (whom i met on some comminions trip) was there wheee and the place we went to was the girl's grandma's house. so she was sppd to follow me but again, as i said, smart girl, knows how to go and hunt for guys so she followed desmond instead hahaha. anyway her grandma was really super nice and i didn't mind helping her clean her house cos i got to talk to her a lot and it didn't feel like working? makes me realise how much i actually enjoy talking to the eldery (': then after that it was lunch break!! and the girl ditched her grandma for the korkors omg hahhaha
lunch break was pretty uneventful i guess? but when we had to go back up to clean the unit the 4 of us girls basically just stirring shit and asking the little girl to choose a korkor. HAHHA "choose the korkor u like the most" "choose the most handsome korkor" "choose the korkor whose name u remember" (which at that time was only matthew HAHAHHAHA see la have easy to rmb name 是这样的) but luckily for the guys the 4 of us managed to herd her off back home before she could drag a korkor w us HAHAH also there was $5 on the floor and she wanted to bring it to the police station.... but the guys idk what they did w it hahhaha
anyway, cleaning the house was pretty cool. she nearly wanted to use my phone BUT HECK NO hahahha not that i'm being mean but i just dont really like people using my phone? i dont have anything to hide but my phone's in chinese and there're some memory and system issues that i've been delaying on dealing w so i don't want anyone to jeopardise my phone when they use it so i'll prefer if i were there to watch them use it hahaa.feel a little bit bad that i didn't clean on top of the drawer but that place is seriously dusty as heck la omg
That house was quite int cos like...... there were ancestral altars everywhere but also a poster that says Jesus i trust in You so i was a bit like huh LOL but yeah they wanted us to paint the part above the altar white (and it was rly black bc of soot) but didnt want us to touch the stuff on the altar and everything wah stress max leh i tell u HAHA cheer initially predicted that we'd take a billion years to get it done but then we managed to do it quite quickly cos there were so many of us.
This is also where everything went downhill
YES FINALLY AFTER A BILLION YEARS OF TYPING I GET TO MY MAIN POINT
Anyway so i left my bag downstairs w the ppl and they said they'll take care for me. Then when i came down to take it, i couldnt find it. GUESS WHERE IT WAS. It was on the bus to rv (': i tell u i rly wanted to cry at that point in time man. I was like wtaf. How can such a thing happen?????? But idk la there's no one i could get annoyed at but myself. Like why didnt i just take my bag w me when i had the chance hais. My laptop, wallet, ezlink, charger, everything inside there.
Initially i was gonna go back w matthew cos we both stay in tamp but guess who cant go back bc no ezlink? (': i mean he did offer to pay but then like i called mummy and they were gonna come pick me up (sidenote im listening to the boys' pick me rn) so yeah just send him also lor hahahah
And so the two of us were hobo-ing there waiting for my parents to come HAHA and like i was telling him how my parents were gonna go salvation army (to donate stuff) and he thought they were gonna go church but my parents arent Christians soooo haha. And like idk after a while he asked me how i started gg to church and i've already written down my whole process so i aint gonna repeat.
But then he asked me this one qn that made me rly think: so you've never really had a moment where you doubted God? (Or something of the likes la hor)
And i realised that hey. Yeah. That's actually quite true. Despite not being from a Chrisitan family, despite not going to church until 10 years after i started saying I am Christian, there never really has been a time where i doubted God??? Like. Really. Maybe my life hasn't had that much downs or what but like no matter what i faced i always just trusted in God. Like i always knew that i could turn to God right there. This God, someone i was only taught about once a week in school, i barely knew who He was yet never once did i doubt His existence. And it really made me wonder just why? He also did say he's never heard a perspective like mine before so yeah haha
It's almost as if like everything is always just this unknown something in me telling me to do this, do that, that this is true, this is real. And stuff.
And it also made me realise why it's so challenging for me to reach out to others. Everyone's had had their moments of doubt and they can relate to others' skepticism. But i realised that i really can't? I really can't understand what it's like to believe that God doesn't exist bc ive never ever felt that way before. I can't understand how people backslide bc everytime i want to do something that's wrong and stuff, there's this thing in me that's just like nOoOOooOooo. Heck i cant even jaywalk thinking abt this thing i once read in living life saying that we should honour the laws of our country no matter how stupid/small/trivial it is.
And this brings me to my next point that like... i realised maybe this is why i never really had those testimonies that everyone can tell? Like everyone has this point in their life where they really feel God's presence and know that He's real. Like some lightbulb moment where they go from meh maybe God exists to yes i know He exists. But i dont have this moment in my life. Hahaha. Unless you count when i was first told about Christ in P1? It's rly int bc i used to wonder that did i following Christianity bc it was the first religion i was exposed to? But that cant be it... i went to temples as a kid and my maternal grandparents are buddhists... so what's it, really?
I once took a little quiz on spiritual gifts before and my result was faith. Like it won very highly over every other aspect (if i rmb correctly) and hey maybe it's true? Even though ive been through many periods in my life, one thing remained was my belief and complete trust that God exists. Maybe i did doubt a little bit on afterlife like what if Heaven doesn't exist etc but never really like omg there is no god in this world kind if degree.
(And yet, somehow my faith has changed in the way that i can no longer answer the first answer to the question that i posed in lest i forget Gethsemane)
Was really really really thankful for that ah. It really made me think and it's always good to reflect on yourself? Hahaha. And also bc when i got in the car mummy asked me where i was rushing off to and i said "suntec there" (cos like this whole going to church thing, although it's been almost 2 years is still quite taboo-ish in my family) knowing that i wouldnt have to answer to a questioning gaze of "huh why didnt u just say chuch". So yeah. Really thankful. Really thankful for all the little things that have happened ah. Everything happens for a reason (:
Meanwhile imma be going back to rv probs tmr night to get my bag (': i feel so handicapped w/o it hais.
haiyo i'm back in rv. this whole thing happened on 3feb ya (-:
Hope™
to give a bigger picture, imma go through the events of the things that have happened today.
so today, i was going for the compulsory cip for rvrc and we were going to the one room rental flats in chaichee to help them clean/paint their house. and apparently we were grouped according to our names' alphabetical order omg haha i didnt even know that i thought it was so 巧 that of the idk how many ppl that signed up me and matthew got in the same grp turns out we're just one after the other in terms of our names in alphabetical order HAHAH but ya that's not the point i just thought it was cool :3 anyway, so our group was just gonna clean the house and help to paint the gate. but when we reached there, we rang the bell (which didn't seem like it was working) and knocked on the door and kind of said in hokkien (i did it, much to the embarrassment of everyone else LMAO) and then desmond (who was the ic and i was the 2nd ic js) went to find the oic person to say that uh... our unit person doesnt seem to be in...????? HAHHA turns out the person didn't even realise/know/remember that he/she signed up for this and was rly confused when they called him/her. hmmm so then we kindda just sat around cos they had to go find another unit for us to go to. oh and when we were waiting, i found out from choonboon (omg did i get his name right he's the person i interacted the least with (':) that the army insect repellent is corrosive and apparently only useful for that one exact spot that it's applied on. HAHAHAHA well, i rmb applying it on my face leh is that why it was slightly burning (':
ohkay this part is purely just for my me to record down what i did today cos well, 难得 i'm blogging again after like a billion years so i should record this down hahaha
the oic is called david and matthew was saying how he shld have brought his guitar so that he can play songs for the elderly too. then we saw that david was carrying a guitar! so i just jokingly told matthew to play it. and david heard so he took out his guitar HAHAHHA twas nice playing a few worship songs and other random stuff (': oh and choonboon went up to one unit to deliver like washing detergent or something and guess what he came down with. a girl. HAHAHAHHA
apparently the girl followed him down and wanted to help us out and ofc how to reject a little girl right so we just played along w her. and she requested songs from alan walker and i was like damn a girl so young listening to such songs?? hahhaha but then again i probs listened to really grown up songs when i was younger. before i started in kpop :3 but yeah. then after that she kept complaining that she was getting bitten by mosquitoes so choonboon brought her to go buy repellent and it was damn funny cos matthew was just walking about with the guitar and playing HAHHAHA and i, being the ever resourceful and quick-thinking person, filmed an impromptu mv. HAHAHAH. also the girl is like 10000000% skinship. HAHHAHAHA she will like grab ur arm, hug u and stuff like that which i was a bit like w0t at first but then she wasn't doing it to me (smart girl so young alr know how to hunt for guys HAHA JK) so i was just having a good time laughing at everyone :3
then when we were sitting down she suddenly asked if she could sit on my lap and i was like uhh sureee..? hahah omg it totally brought me back to the times when junyu was still a kid (and we were still considerably close i guess) and i would be her 'horsey' just like how daddy was for me when i was a kid and i would go around yeye and nainai's old house w her on my back hahahha. but anyway, then there were birds everywhere and she was quite scared of getting bird shit on her i guess so matthew had to go take the umbrella to shelter her HAHAHAHA and then it became her lying on ALL our legs such that we became a bed. and she even grabbed desmond's hand (i think) as a bolster HAHHAHAHA OMG it was a very weird scene to explain to david when he got back (': oh and choonboon bought her a candy ring from the mamashop which she used to prank desmond and 'propose' to him (':
but yeah soon after that we managed to get work to do. so this whole name sorting thing ended up with there being a group of only all girls (and also when i think abt it i'm the only girl in my grp (':) and i was sent to join that one. was a bit sian at first bc omg i have to meet new people??? but turns out it was fine cos ruth (whom i met on some comminions trip) was there wheee and the place we went to was the girl's grandma's house. so she was sppd to follow me but again, as i said, smart girl, knows how to go and hunt for guys so she followed desmond instead hahaha. anyway her grandma was really super nice and i didn't mind helping her clean her house cos i got to talk to her a lot and it didn't feel like working? makes me realise how much i actually enjoy talking to the eldery (': then after that it was lunch break!! and the girl ditched her grandma for the korkors omg hahhaha
lunch break was pretty uneventful i guess? but when we had to go back up to clean the unit the 4 of us girls basically just stirring shit and asking the little girl to choose a korkor. HAHHA "choose the korkor u like the most" "choose the most handsome korkor" "choose the korkor whose name u remember" (which at that time was only matthew HAHAHHAHA see la have easy to rmb name 是这样的) but luckily for the guys the 4 of us managed to herd her off back home before she could drag a korkor w us HAHAH also there was $5 on the floor and she wanted to bring it to the police station.... but the guys idk what they did w it hahhaha
anyway, cleaning the house was pretty cool. she nearly wanted to use my phone BUT HECK NO hahahha not that i'm being mean but i just dont really like people using my phone? i dont have anything to hide but my phone's in chinese and there're some memory and system issues that i've been delaying on dealing w so i don't want anyone to jeopardise my phone when they use it so i'll prefer if i were there to watch them use it hahaa.
That house was quite int cos like...... there were ancestral altars everywhere but also a poster that says Jesus i trust in You so i was a bit like huh LOL but yeah they wanted us to paint the part above the altar white (and it was rly black bc of soot) but didnt want us to touch the stuff on the altar and everything wah stress max leh i tell u HAHA cheer initially predicted that we'd take a billion years to get it done but then we managed to do it quite quickly cos there were so many of us.
This is also where everything went downhill
YES FINALLY AFTER A BILLION YEARS OF TYPING I GET TO MY MAIN POINT
Anyway so i left my bag downstairs w the ppl and they said they'll take care for me. Then when i came down to take it, i couldnt find it. GUESS WHERE IT WAS. It was on the bus to rv (': i tell u i rly wanted to cry at that point in time man. I was like wtaf. How can such a thing happen?????? But idk la there's no one i could get annoyed at but myself. Like why didnt i just take my bag w me when i had the chance hais. My laptop, wallet, ezlink, charger, everything inside there.
Initially i was gonna go back w matthew cos we both stay in tamp but guess who cant go back bc no ezlink? (': i mean he did offer to pay but then like i called mummy and they were gonna come pick me up (sidenote im listening to the boys' pick me rn) so yeah just send him also lor hahahah
And so the two of us were hobo-ing there waiting for my parents to come HAHA and like i was telling him how my parents were gonna go salvation army (to donate stuff) and he thought they were gonna go church but my parents arent Christians soooo haha. And like idk after a while he asked me how i started gg to church and i've already written down my whole process so i aint gonna repeat.
But then he asked me this one qn that made me rly think: so you've never really had a moment where you doubted God? (Or something of the likes la hor)
And i realised that hey. Yeah. That's actually quite true. Despite not being from a Chrisitan family, despite not going to church until 10 years after i started saying I am Christian, there never really has been a time where i doubted God??? Like. Really. Maybe my life hasn't had that much downs or what but like no matter what i faced i always just trusted in God. Like i always knew that i could turn to God right there. This God, someone i was only taught about once a week in school, i barely knew who He was yet never once did i doubt His existence. And it really made me wonder just why? He also did say he's never heard a perspective like mine before so yeah haha
It's almost as if like everything is always just this unknown something in me telling me to do this, do that, that this is true, this is real. And stuff.
And it also made me realise why it's so challenging for me to reach out to others. Everyone's had had their moments of doubt and they can relate to others' skepticism. But i realised that i really can't? I really can't understand what it's like to believe that God doesn't exist bc ive never ever felt that way before. I can't understand how people backslide bc everytime i want to do something that's wrong and stuff, there's this thing in me that's just like nOoOOooOooo. Heck i cant even jaywalk thinking abt this thing i once read in living life saying that we should honour the laws of our country no matter how stupid/small/trivial it is.
And this brings me to my next point that like... i realised maybe this is why i never really had those testimonies that everyone can tell? Like everyone has this point in their life where they really feel God's presence and know that He's real. Like some lightbulb moment where they go from meh maybe God exists to yes i know He exists. But i dont have this moment in my life. Hahaha. Unless you count when i was first told about Christ in P1? It's rly int bc i used to wonder that did i following Christianity bc it was the first religion i was exposed to? But that cant be it... i went to temples as a kid and my maternal grandparents are buddhists... so what's it, really?
I once took a little quiz on spiritual gifts before and my result was faith. Like it won very highly over every other aspect (if i rmb correctly) and hey maybe it's true? Even though ive been through many periods in my life, one thing remained was my belief and complete trust that God exists. Maybe i did doubt a little bit on afterlife like what if Heaven doesn't exist etc but never really like omg there is no god in this world kind if degree.
(And yet, somehow my faith has changed in the way that i can no longer answer the first answer to the question that i posed in lest i forget Gethsemane)
Was really really really thankful for that ah. It really made me think and it's always good to reflect on yourself? Hahaha. And also bc when i got in the car mummy asked me where i was rushing off to and i said "suntec there" (cos like this whole going to church thing, although it's been almost 2 years is still quite taboo-ish in my family) knowing that i wouldnt have to answer to a questioning gaze of "huh why didnt u just say chuch". So yeah. Really thankful. Really thankful for all the little things that have happened ah. Everything happens for a reason (:
Meanwhile imma be going back to rv probs tmr night to get my bag (': i feel so handicapped w/o it hais.
haiyo i'm back in rv. this whole thing happened on 3feb ya (-:
Hope™
Comments
Post a Comment