Shhhh it's not 2:53

I don't know why I'm getting so worked up now.... Like I suddenly just feel damn kanjiong/nervous/anxious???? And no I'm not scratching my hand (can't say the same for the things around me oops) but like... Idk why Im suddenly like that.

Btw I'm typing this on iPhone and omg the keyboard is damn difficult to use WHY IS IT SO TINY I HAVE FAT FINGERS OHKAY. And an irritating wart that doesnt seem to go away no matter what i do to it. And I've literally gone to the extent of (warning: possibly gory shit here) picking at it so badly, like pulling out the uh, flesh???? Until my hand was bleeding like crazy (end of uh possibly gory shit) AND ITS STILL NOT GONE

ohkay that isn't my point 

My point is that I don't understand why on earth am I so uptight abt speaking to others. Like... There was once I literally only had to order a green tea latte at coffee bean and I think if I had stayed at the cashier any longer I would've started shaking. And then I get so scared when I have to call like companies or ppl that I work with or whoever to ask for things and like my parents are all "you can do it by yourself la!" everytime I ask them to do it for me and sometimes idk I get so scared of it that I don't want to call them anymore???? Like since young I'm not kidding. A lot of times I legit write a script to know what I will say ohkay I AM NOT KIDDING. 

So like... I don't want to go to the doctor by myself. I don't want to call them and check if the doctor is in. No ohkay????? 

Sometimes I wonder how it'll be like when I have children next time hahahhaha. My child better be independent and not afraid of speaking to others and stuff OF ALL THINGS YOU CAN BE DON'T BE LIKE YOUR MOTHER THANKS. Negative example here DO NOT FOLLOW. 

Anyways I'm supposed to blog abt my cute little Disney tsum tsum and I probably will tmr when I get my other phone and my cute little tsum tsum to take a pic and everything hehehehe 

I should be sleeping and I hope I will be asleep soon. If not, at least wake up at like idk 9??? 10??? Im sick of waking up at 11 and not getting shit done for the rest of the day. 

Oh wait hang on I forgot to add in smth hahahahhahaha oops meant to go to sleep soon but then realised I forgot to add in something. Anyways I guess sometimes im just rly afraid of what ppl think abt me? I mean cmon I'm human, you're human everyone's human and like... Well there are times where there are some ppl that think are super close to you but you Kindda have to put up w them everytime theyre close to you yknow what I mean? And like I guess sometimes I just rly rly rly wanna know what people honestly honestly honestly think of me. Like not when they're saying something to pacify me or sound nice or anything. I don't want any sugar coating. Cos like there are ppl that actually mean a lot to me and people that I really look up to and stuff and so I really want to know what they think about me. Idk... I guess.... It'll be really nice to know but we're all trained to sugar coat (or salt coat in my case cos yknow I'm lee XIAN HAHAHA ohkay sorry failed attempt at making myself laugh) what we say to others and no matter how much some ppl think that they tell only the truth and will b v direct with you, sometimes they won't. It's not all the time and just... Yeah I guess???? Idrk how to formulate my thoughts now and iPhone keyboard is really annoying me so.... 

Hope™