mood matters

Idk why but my mood seems so bad today??? Izzit like pms or smth idek but my mood today is just shit.

Firstly ive been so tired the entire day. Like i know i dont sleep enough but this is even worse than normal days.

Then now we're all studying tgt and idk why but i find that the table is so quiet and distant. What happened to us constantly joking and talking to each other? What happened to the super loud and chatty atmosphere? Why does the atmosphere feel so heavy and everything? Like nothing's gg fine and like idk??? Like the atmosphere just feels so different and i dont know if it's because of me or what. Why does it seem like everyone's only so focused on work now? We're not conversing abt our normal lives and we keep talking work. Has jc really stressed us so much that all we think about is work and sleep? What is eat? What is play? What is leisure?

Why is everything like that i dont know why i feel so down this is so annoying and confusing. Im not usually like this why am i like this.

I dont even feel like drawing or doing work or sleeping i dont even know what i want to do now. I just.... idk idk  why im being like that. I dont know why the entire table just seems so detatched to me when the three of us are such close friends.

It's only the start of the year but everyone's been so consumed into work (including me) and we all seem so stressed and everything. Is this really what jc does to us?

Why do i feel like crying now.

Holy shit what is wrong with me.

Im so annoyed at myself now and idek. I dont want to bother anyone and im really hoping that im not affecting anyone. I dont think i am bah,,,, hopefully??? I really dont know and this is worrying me. It's like there's nothing on my mind yet it feels like it weighs a ton?

Why does everything seem so heavy now? The atmosphere, my mind, everything.

Why am i in such a mood today.

Why do i have no mood to do anything?

Why.... why... really why.

Hope is such a bright word. Im such a contrast of it rn. Irony at its best.

Hope™