7% GST also a lot
so i didn't make it in
i don't think i've ever cried like that in front of my friends (and strangers) in such along time since like p2. after that mini crying spree i used to have in p2, i guess i've pretty much stopped crying in front of ppl (ohkay except that one time in p3). i've broken my record today
yvette and i were so nervous about it idek how to explain we were just so scared ohkay cos we both really wanted to be in dance. and the thing is freestyle is needed and i can't freestyle for nuts so.
first up was contemp and it was really difficult but actually really fun as well hehe. and hiphop was really great. then for both there was freestyle and i think i crapped out a lot of things? proud of self lol. then after that there was this uh one more segment for those w dance background to dance and like the song just made me really happy when i danced to it??? i started smiling a lot.
got in actually. but then there were too many girls and there had to be a rematch and yeah obv you know what happened then. felt really bad for marcus as well cos we wanted to be in dance but he had no background so it was really hard for him. i have a background but it was so hard for me. the tchr also said that i actually wasn't uh selected. just labelled as kiv (keep in view) so....
i really really wanted this and i just cried so much after that i couldn't stop crying i don't know how long i cried for
it's almost like that day when yeye passed away except this time i talked a lot.
one thing a lot of ppl said to me was that it's ohkay and that maybe i wasn't meant for dance afterall and i would be able find my true calling in life. but the thing is that i really don't know what else to do other than dance. i'm not kidding ohkay. i really had no other cca in mind. like sure i thought about choir and stuff but it's not serious. like if i got in and they needed volunteers to leave i might've.
the thing is that... the tchr said that she would do an interview and i was pretty ohkay with that but then... sigh freestyle. there were like 5 ppl (the number of ppl she needed to eliminate) that expressed that they didn't mind other ccas and i think this is really selfish but sometimes i just wonder why couldn't she have kicked them out instead.
and also like i really wanted to join dance a lot cos i've always dreamed of having my own dance team where i can go for different competitions and perform on different stages and i just thought that joining dance will be a great way for me to be able to make friends with the same interest because so far i don't have friends that are so interested in it? like yeah they're interested but can tell it's not the super super interested kind haha. and like in ds it's just... well, i'm friends w them but they've known ea other for so much longer and really just.... that's why i was really so disappointed. the dance ppl did tell me that ppl in choir do form their own bands as well but then ppl in choir will be more focused on singing and i'm more of a dancer than singer really. some told me that maybe i would find out that i like singing more than dancing and really, i've tried. nope.
zeroun also came to comfort me and stuff cos i think i was crying real badly??? a lot of the dance people came to help me as well. i probably looked pathetic la. then after that i was telling him and yvette all abt why i wanted to join dance so badly and everything and then i also mentioned about how orientation is coming to an end.
tbvh i really really really love my og. i've never felt so bonded so quickly with so many people even though i've been through many orientations and so many group works and so many volunteer stuffs i've really never felts so happy being in my group like that. sure i don't know a lot of the guys at first. i also didn't know a lot of the girls. but then now, we're all really close like even if i talk to a guy that i don't really talk to in my og we're really comfortable w ea other and it's not those yknow super awkward ones yeah. so like.. yeah.... joining wouldve helped me feel that i'm not losing my og cos there're og ppl there and an ogl so like he can gather the rest?? now that... i just.. i really don't know there's like no one in choir??? so.. i really don't know now la.
i just... i really felt so sad and what made me kept crying was really how our og is gonna end. i mean, we're not even replying one another now in the grp chat from time to time whats makes us think that we'll still be close after this. even now we got our own class alr we see others from xenois 3 and we don't even say anything. it's really discouraging to me because i've always wanted to have friends that i'm really close to and that i thought maybe jc would be a really good new start for me where i'd be able to make and keep many friends w similar interests so we can pursue the same things but now... nope. :\
i was crying so much in the bus so yeah,
anyways back to me talking to yvette zeroun and yiling (?) another girl that's in dance that i just met today. like i really just talked about dance and how i just really really really wanted to join it and that i really don't have anything else on my mind other than dance, yknow? and then i guess i was being super negative cos i was talking about our og and everything about how we probably won't be close after tomorrow and i really really dont want that to happen because i feel so sad that we spend six days together laughing and joking and cheering and end up pretending to not know each other anymore. then so zeroun was saying how like ohkay, to be very negative, jc is only 2 years of our lives and it's not the end of the world cos we'll live long and it's prolly like 7% of our lives. "so if you ever feel sad, just think 7%." and the next thing that came to my mind was just "7% gst is also a lot" hahahha and he was like yeah that' true too.. but yeah i really appreciate their efforts la. i guess i was being really annoying??? i told them about how i knew ppl that didn't get to receive their a level results and ppl that didn't even get to complete their o's and like how what if i'm hit by a car tmr. then zeroun was like yeah so ohkay let's say you do get hit tmr you don't want your last day to be like this, right? i guess it's true?
so many people told me it's not the end of the world and i know it's not but it's just.. i really wanted to be in dance so much i'm really so thankful to the people that comforted me and everything. i didn't really know all their names but they were all so nice to me and i really appreciate it.
oh yeah and this post is gonna be really jumbled up cos many many many things are coming to my mind at one go and i'm really sorry about this.
i just thought about how fun og dinners have been. like when we all just chit chatted during dinner, talking about our lives in thaipan and then after that just sitting down at some random grass patch and playing all sorts of games like charades, harry, hainan jifan, watermelon and even just talking about how we felt about orientation and what's it like for all of us and just talking about anything in general la. just having an og like that. i really love it so much, even though i get home really late and that i haven't been able to go for dance. it's just... it makes me feel so happy because yay i have this group of friends yknow! and the thought about how tmr's gonna be the last day i'm gonna have such dinners i really really really making me feel so sad and that every time i think about it i start crying. i really hope that i won't cry tmr though. i've cried enough today. i want tomorrow to be a happy day because it's the last day we'll be friends. i really really really don't want tomorrow to be the last day we'll be friends, but then again i'm really just only one person. i just really don't know what to do now and i feel well....
i feel really dejected. like claudia and huiqian want floorball (?), claudia doesn't mind guitar ensemble. then cheryl's gg sc and idk abt the rest la. then celynn is in co and arielle's in rock climbing. like dyou get it??? we don't have anything that will let us meet each other, we no longer have classes like yknow we split up so once in a while we'll see each other. we'll drift away and i just.. i really don't want that to happen cos xenois 3 is really such a cool, nice and fun og. sure, we might not be the best og, neither are we the most cheerful nor the most enthusiastic that cheers every five seconds but yknow, it's just, it's made such a big imprint in my life and i don't want it to just vanish into thin air just like that because orientation is over. shit this is making me tear. i know that after tmr we'll still talk a little bit more; there'll prolly be a lot of convos gg around like how it was a great time and that we'll all miss one another and that we should all keep in touch and stay close but really let's be honest with ourselves. who really thinks that we can actually stick together after this? sure, we'll still chat in the group but after some time you'll start to realise that no one's replying anymore and we won't be chatting with each other anymore. and then give it a little more time and people will start leaving the group and then that's it. it's always me that's the only one left in the group and i'm kindda just forced to quit it because really who else would want to be inside there right??? one thing that i kindda just thought abt just now when chatting in the grp was what if next time i decide to look back at all the messages? at all the times when i had so much fun w xenois 3 and now we're just... meh. like when we all start drifting apart?
another thing that's got to my mind now is how scary jc is. like you befriend your ogls and have so much fun w your seniors but like the next thing you know they're graduating and leaving. have you ever stopped to think about that? like can you imagine? sooner or later arielle, celynn and zeroun won't be talking to us anymore cos they need to mug for As and then later they'll get pass As then they'll all go separate ways to diff unis or wherever they wanna go and it's like... it's so fast??? less than a year and we won't be tgt anymore?? we won't be in the same sch anymore???? and then after their As it's ours. what WHATTTT
i just... my mind's really so conflicted with such things now kay. like i cried the whole way home and idek what to do anymore. stayed in the toilet crying for idk how long cos i didn't wanna go out and talk to mum and dad so i just locked the toilet door, staying inside there and really just crying all the way. esp when i was bathing and like just... the water blends with my tears and just they start flowing la yknow. i hope the ppl in the bus weren't thinking i was really weird and stuff cos i kept wiping my eyes and nose and everything sigh.
walao shit why do i keep forgetting what i wanna say. there were so many things that i want to say but now nothing is coming to my mind and it was just like five seconds ago
oh yes i remembered one thing. i thought of gg to the treehouse and jsut sitting there to mope and stuff but then zeroun walked yiling and i out of sch so like yeah cannot sit there anyways it was getting really dark so it was kindda scary to be sitting up there??? there were ppl that were up there too and scary luh.
tomorrow's really gonna be the last day and i'm so scared because time passes so fast when i'm w xenois 3. we're always playing some sort of weird games and shit and like time just really flies when we play like that. dinner ends around 8 and then we play a few games and the next thing you know it's 10 reaching 11 and we need to get home before our parents blow up over how we still have school the next day and stuff.
i really wanna treasure tomorrow
i don't wanna cry tomorrow
i hope i won't
no promises though
xenois 3 really made a big impact on me and just
idk. last day as an og we won't be seeing each other anymore???
i'm really 沮丧 now and idk how to help it.
i dont want to spend my time moping about cos well, i have to make everything last right? try to make the best outta it? but to be so very honest, i'm not feeling any better than when i had just now. not kidding. i think this whole og thing is really affecting me a lot. and this whole missed out on a chance in dance thing too.. i really really wanted to be able to dance every day happily in sch w ppl that i'm really really close to but now... yvette did say that she'll dance w me but i kindda meant like street style and maybe kpop and she's more of a contemp and modern person so... but i won't miss that offer!! (:
also i guess i haven't mentioned this but like... i also wanted to join dance cos... well, gg to ds i have to pay quite a lot and i really don't want my parents to be spending so much money on me, that's why i started working. but like... idk?? i guess now i'll just keep gg to ds cos it's really fun there even though hueywen, xiuru, nicole, felicia, tristan and li an are closer to ea other as compared to me... this dance thing is really affecting me a lot i just... i just really hope that what God has in plan for me, is something that i'll really love and like and that i can finally fulfill what i've always dreamt of. i have faith in Him and yeah i believe so?
why am i not getting encouraged and feeling better?
self, please feel better by tomorrow kay? no frowny faces w og.
talked to val too, oh yeah. cos she saw my tweets. hang on lemme copy and paste cos someone's lazy to type it all out hahahhaha
all i can do now is pray i guess? i'm really so conflicted now and i'm hoping vixx tv 2 ep 10 will bring up my mood. i'll get back to you on this yeah? (:
Hope™
ps. why is hope so hopeless this is so ironic
pps. i'm sorry if there're repeats. my mind is so conflicted now idk what i'm writing anymore.
ppps. idk if ive said this alr but i really only looked up abt dance in jcs. i told them that. abt how i wanted to go tj and it wasn't only the environment that was bad but like cos only modern so sigh.. and just all this la really. i really just told them how much i really liked dance and like even though i knew that i wouldnt affect anything at all i guess it felt nice to get it all off my chest? being comforted kindda makes me cry sometimes and really just... i guess it is nice to get everything off my chest to a living breathing human being that can reply to me even though i really do like blogging to talk about my daily troubles. actually one thing that i think is really amazing now is that apart from the money issue, i actually told everything written here to them. and it's really like.... this blog was created to say things i couldn't say to others and maybe that's like an improvement in myself? like how i'm able to say such stuff to ppl now?
pppps. to the ppl i was talking to just now, i'm really sorry if i put yall down and dampened the mood for tomorrow but i really had to get what i was thinking off my chest cos it was really affecting me a lot. i'm sorry if i was being really crude and rude and if i was showing attitude just now.. i was and still am just really conflicted and really so confused with life and what to do now. it's not the end of the world, yes. but still it feels a little bit like it. i'm really sorry for just now kay?
ppppps. i'm watching vixx tv 2 ep 10 now and sadly so far it isn't helping much??? and this is worrying cos vixx and shinee can usually cheer me up and put me back into the mood. help me.
i don't think i've ever cried like that in front of my friends (and strangers) in such along time since like p2. after that mini crying spree i used to have in p2, i guess i've pretty much stopped crying in front of ppl (ohkay except that one time in p3). i've broken my record today
yvette and i were so nervous about it idek how to explain we were just so scared ohkay cos we both really wanted to be in dance. and the thing is freestyle is needed and i can't freestyle for nuts so.
first up was contemp and it was really difficult but actually really fun as well hehe. and hiphop was really great. then for both there was freestyle and i think i crapped out a lot of things? proud of self lol. then after that there was this uh one more segment for those w dance background to dance and like the song just made me really happy when i danced to it??? i started smiling a lot.
got in actually. but then there were too many girls and there had to be a rematch and yeah obv you know what happened then. felt really bad for marcus as well cos we wanted to be in dance but he had no background so it was really hard for him. i have a background but it was so hard for me. the tchr also said that i actually wasn't uh selected. just labelled as kiv (keep in view) so....
i really really wanted this and i just cried so much after that i couldn't stop crying i don't know how long i cried for
it's almost like that day when yeye passed away except this time i talked a lot.
one thing a lot of ppl said to me was that it's ohkay and that maybe i wasn't meant for dance afterall and i would be able find my true calling in life. but the thing is that i really don't know what else to do other than dance. i'm not kidding ohkay. i really had no other cca in mind. like sure i thought about choir and stuff but it's not serious. like if i got in and they needed volunteers to leave i might've.
the thing is that... the tchr said that she would do an interview and i was pretty ohkay with that but then... sigh freestyle. there were like 5 ppl (the number of ppl she needed to eliminate) that expressed that they didn't mind other ccas and i think this is really selfish but sometimes i just wonder why couldn't she have kicked them out instead.
and also like i really wanted to join dance a lot cos i've always dreamed of having my own dance team where i can go for different competitions and perform on different stages and i just thought that joining dance will be a great way for me to be able to make friends with the same interest because so far i don't have friends that are so interested in it? like yeah they're interested but can tell it's not the super super interested kind haha. and like in ds it's just... well, i'm friends w them but they've known ea other for so much longer and really just.... that's why i was really so disappointed. the dance ppl did tell me that ppl in choir do form their own bands as well but then ppl in choir will be more focused on singing and i'm more of a dancer than singer really. some told me that maybe i would find out that i like singing more than dancing and really, i've tried. nope.
zeroun also came to comfort me and stuff cos i think i was crying real badly??? a lot of the dance people came to help me as well. i probably looked pathetic la. then after that i was telling him and yvette all abt why i wanted to join dance so badly and everything and then i also mentioned about how orientation is coming to an end.
tbvh i really really really love my og. i've never felt so bonded so quickly with so many people even though i've been through many orientations and so many group works and so many volunteer stuffs i've really never felts so happy being in my group like that. sure i don't know a lot of the guys at first. i also didn't know a lot of the girls. but then now, we're all really close like even if i talk to a guy that i don't really talk to in my og we're really comfortable w ea other and it's not those yknow super awkward ones yeah. so like.. yeah.... joining wouldve helped me feel that i'm not losing my og cos there're og ppl there and an ogl so like he can gather the rest?? now that... i just.. i really don't know there's like no one in choir??? so.. i really don't know now la.
i just... i really felt so sad and what made me kept crying was really how our og is gonna end. i mean, we're not even replying one another now in the grp chat from time to time whats makes us think that we'll still be close after this. even now we got our own class alr we see others from xenois 3 and we don't even say anything. it's really discouraging to me because i've always wanted to have friends that i'm really close to and that i thought maybe jc would be a really good new start for me where i'd be able to make and keep many friends w similar interests so we can pursue the same things but now... nope. :\
i was crying so much in the bus so yeah,
anyways back to me talking to yvette zeroun and yiling (?) another girl that's in dance that i just met today. like i really just talked about dance and how i just really really really wanted to join it and that i really don't have anything else on my mind other than dance, yknow? and then i guess i was being super negative cos i was talking about our og and everything about how we probably won't be close after tomorrow and i really really dont want that to happen because i feel so sad that we spend six days together laughing and joking and cheering and end up pretending to not know each other anymore. then so zeroun was saying how like ohkay, to be very negative, jc is only 2 years of our lives and it's not the end of the world cos we'll live long and it's prolly like 7% of our lives. "so if you ever feel sad, just think 7%." and the next thing that came to my mind was just "7% gst is also a lot" hahahha and he was like yeah that' true too.. but yeah i really appreciate their efforts la. i guess i was being really annoying??? i told them about how i knew ppl that didn't get to receive their a level results and ppl that didn't even get to complete their o's and like how what if i'm hit by a car tmr. then zeroun was like yeah so ohkay let's say you do get hit tmr you don't want your last day to be like this, right? i guess it's true?
so many people told me it's not the end of the world and i know it's not but it's just.. i really wanted to be in dance so much i'm really so thankful to the people that comforted me and everything. i didn't really know all their names but they were all so nice to me and i really appreciate it.
oh yeah and this post is gonna be really jumbled up cos many many many things are coming to my mind at one go and i'm really sorry about this.
i just thought about how fun og dinners have been. like when we all just chit chatted during dinner, talking about our lives in thaipan and then after that just sitting down at some random grass patch and playing all sorts of games like charades, harry, hainan jifan, watermelon and even just talking about how we felt about orientation and what's it like for all of us and just talking about anything in general la. just having an og like that. i really love it so much, even though i get home really late and that i haven't been able to go for dance. it's just... it makes me feel so happy because yay i have this group of friends yknow! and the thought about how tmr's gonna be the last day i'm gonna have such dinners i really really really making me feel so sad and that every time i think about it i start crying. i really hope that i won't cry tmr though. i've cried enough today. i want tomorrow to be a happy day because it's the last day we'll be friends. i really really really don't want tomorrow to be the last day we'll be friends, but then again i'm really just only one person. i just really don't know what to do now and i feel well....
i feel really dejected. like claudia and huiqian want floorball (?), claudia doesn't mind guitar ensemble. then cheryl's gg sc and idk abt the rest la. then celynn is in co and arielle's in rock climbing. like dyou get it??? we don't have anything that will let us meet each other, we no longer have classes like yknow we split up so once in a while we'll see each other. we'll drift away and i just.. i really don't want that to happen cos xenois 3 is really such a cool, nice and fun og. sure, we might not be the best og, neither are we the most cheerful nor the most enthusiastic that cheers every five seconds but yknow, it's just, it's made such a big imprint in my life and i don't want it to just vanish into thin air just like that because orientation is over. shit this is making me tear. i know that after tmr we'll still talk a little bit more; there'll prolly be a lot of convos gg around like how it was a great time and that we'll all miss one another and that we should all keep in touch and stay close but really let's be honest with ourselves. who really thinks that we can actually stick together after this? sure, we'll still chat in the group but after some time you'll start to realise that no one's replying anymore and we won't be chatting with each other anymore. and then give it a little more time and people will start leaving the group and then that's it. it's always me that's the only one left in the group and i'm kindda just forced to quit it because really who else would want to be inside there right??? one thing that i kindda just thought abt just now when chatting in the grp was what if next time i decide to look back at all the messages? at all the times when i had so much fun w xenois 3 and now we're just... meh. like when we all start drifting apart?
another thing that's got to my mind now is how scary jc is. like you befriend your ogls and have so much fun w your seniors but like the next thing you know they're graduating and leaving. have you ever stopped to think about that? like can you imagine? sooner or later arielle, celynn and zeroun won't be talking to us anymore cos they need to mug for As and then later they'll get pass As then they'll all go separate ways to diff unis or wherever they wanna go and it's like... it's so fast??? less than a year and we won't be tgt anymore?? we won't be in the same sch anymore???? and then after their As it's ours. what WHATTTT
i just... my mind's really so conflicted with such things now kay. like i cried the whole way home and idek what to do anymore. stayed in the toilet crying for idk how long cos i didn't wanna go out and talk to mum and dad so i just locked the toilet door, staying inside there and really just crying all the way. esp when i was bathing and like just... the water blends with my tears and just they start flowing la yknow. i hope the ppl in the bus weren't thinking i was really weird and stuff cos i kept wiping my eyes and nose and everything sigh.
walao shit why do i keep forgetting what i wanna say. there were so many things that i want to say but now nothing is coming to my mind and it was just like five seconds ago
oh yes i remembered one thing. i thought of gg to the treehouse and jsut sitting there to mope and stuff but then zeroun walked yiling and i out of sch so like yeah cannot sit there anyways it was getting really dark so it was kindda scary to be sitting up there??? there were ppl that were up there too and scary luh.
tomorrow's really gonna be the last day and i'm so scared because time passes so fast when i'm w xenois 3. we're always playing some sort of weird games and shit and like time just really flies when we play like that. dinner ends around 8 and then we play a few games and the next thing you know it's 10 reaching 11 and we need to get home before our parents blow up over how we still have school the next day and stuff.
i really wanna treasure tomorrow
i don't wanna cry tomorrow
i hope i won't
no promises though
xenois 3 really made a big impact on me and just
idk. last day as an og we won't be seeing each other anymore???
i'm really 沮丧 now and idk how to help it.
i dont want to spend my time moping about cos well, i have to make everything last right? try to make the best outta it? but to be so very honest, i'm not feeling any better than when i had just now. not kidding. i think this whole og thing is really affecting me a lot. and this whole missed out on a chance in dance thing too.. i really really wanted to be able to dance every day happily in sch w ppl that i'm really really close to but now... yvette did say that she'll dance w me but i kindda meant like street style and maybe kpop and she's more of a contemp and modern person so... but i won't miss that offer!! (:
also i guess i haven't mentioned this but like... i also wanted to join dance cos... well, gg to ds i have to pay quite a lot and i really don't want my parents to be spending so much money on me, that's why i started working. but like... idk?? i guess now i'll just keep gg to ds cos it's really fun there even though hueywen, xiuru, nicole, felicia, tristan and li an are closer to ea other as compared to me... this dance thing is really affecting me a lot i just... i just really hope that what God has in plan for me, is something that i'll really love and like and that i can finally fulfill what i've always dreamt of. i have faith in Him and yeah i believe so?
why am i not getting encouraged and feeling better?
self, please feel better by tomorrow kay? no frowny faces w og.
talked to val too, oh yeah. cos she saw my tweets. hang on lemme copy and paste cos someone's lazy to type it all out hahahhaha
I really dont want tomorrow to be the last day. But I'm really only one person. ★ Cr: on picture (ìœ ë¦¬… http://instagram.com/p/yuCoNOpWUo/
all i can do now is pray i guess? i'm really so conflicted now and i'm hoping vixx tv 2 ep 10 will bring up my mood. i'll get back to you on this yeah? (:
Hope™
ps. why is hope so hopeless this is so ironic
pps. i'm sorry if there're repeats. my mind is so conflicted now idk what i'm writing anymore.
ppps. idk if ive said this alr but i really only looked up abt dance in jcs. i told them that. abt how i wanted to go tj and it wasn't only the environment that was bad but like cos only modern so sigh.. and just all this la really. i really just told them how much i really liked dance and like even though i knew that i wouldnt affect anything at all i guess it felt nice to get it all off my chest? being comforted kindda makes me cry sometimes and really just... i guess it is nice to get everything off my chest to a living breathing human being that can reply to me even though i really do like blogging to talk about my daily troubles. actually one thing that i think is really amazing now is that apart from the money issue, i actually told everything written here to them. and it's really like.... this blog was created to say things i couldn't say to others and maybe that's like an improvement in myself? like how i'm able to say such stuff to ppl now?
pppps. to the ppl i was talking to just now, i'm really sorry if i put yall down and dampened the mood for tomorrow but i really had to get what i was thinking off my chest cos it was really affecting me a lot. i'm sorry if i was being really crude and rude and if i was showing attitude just now.. i was and still am just really conflicted and really so confused with life and what to do now. it's not the end of the world, yes. but still it feels a little bit like it. i'm really sorry for just now kay?
ppppps. i'm watching vixx tv 2 ep 10 now and sadly so far it isn't helping much??? and this is worrying cos vixx and shinee can usually cheer me up and put me back into the mood. help me.
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