it's one of those days again
it's one of those days again. do you know what kind of days? those days where i would start thinking really deeply and possibly overthink? or do i just start to think really realistically? or it's pms really idk. but it's one of those days again
i know i should be doing my homework now, i should be making notes on ecology cos mdm aishah's gonna check it tmr but idk i just really wanted to blog. i really felt like blogging. i just really want to talk but i don't exactly have/want anyone to talk to so... i turn to here.
about an hour ago, i was watching this video on jewelery making, about using metal blanks (?) to personalise little tags to put on jewelery that we make ourselves. as i watch it, i can't help but think that hey, maybe this is a path that i can go on? like i can make jewelery? maybe? maybe not? i know i like making those simple ones where we can buy the items from small art shops, but what about those really hardcore ones where we have like a thousand and one materials to use to make the jewelery?
now that i think about it, i actually don't mind. like starting a mini little shop to sell the jewelery???
i also thought about how maybe i could be a nail artist. like those in mini boutiques (?) and stuff helping people paint and design their nails. but i'm not so sure about that anymore.
the main thing, though, is my aspiration. i've learnt that aspirations are things that you really want but might not get. like how my teacher last time had the aspiration to be in a band but wasn't able to, i guess. aspirations are not things that we can always achieve. goals? yes. but aspirations? not really. what if our goals are our aspirations? there's such a thing, right? is there?
idk if it's my cough but recently i've recorded myself singing a little and i don't remember sounding this bad??????? like seriously. i have recorded myself singing since last year you can hear the difference. like i was singing dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui. i listened to the one i just recorded and the one that i recorded maybe a month or so ago. A HUGE DIFFERENCE. my voice now is kindda scratchy and rough, a bit low-ish and just... not really good???? i'm still coughing, if you're curious but not that bad anymore. i still have quite some phlegm and i'm hoping that my normal voice comes back soon?? i don't think i sound different but when i record myself singing there's actually quite a big difference.
i'll try asking mummy tonight if i still don't sound like myself cos it's been a week.
should i actually do such a thing? siyi said that i'm really good in handicrafts and that i should go along that road for my future. it doesn't sound like a bad idea, to be honest. but.... what about my dream?
or are dreams supposed to remain as dreams?
i honestly honestly honestly want to be a singer. like a performer? one that sings and dances on stage. it's not even a phase just cos i like kpop ohkay. i've always wanted to be in like media or stuff like that since i was young. i wanted to be an actress before i even got to know kpop, and i have always liked singing just that i don't think my singing is good. i've learnt dance since i was 8 (technically 6 but that's like cca in kindergarten and primary 1) and it's been a big part of my life. granted, there was this really big period of time where i somehow seemed to lose all forms of interest in dance and i really didn't want to continue it anymore. but i'm so glad i stayed. somehow the interest found me again. or did i find it? tbh, i've always wanted to join ballet. like when i was a really small kid. of course, i'm in ballet now, haha. but when i was young, we had this encyclopaedia at home that i'd always flip through. and my favourite page (or section) out of the whole encylopaedia would always be the one where they talked about dance. the one where they showed pictures of dancers (mostly ballet cos idk why people always seem to related dance to ballet???? maybe????? idk lol). i always looked at the nice costumes and the shoes and just how the thing in whole looked like and i really wanted to join. really. i actually remember that. and i managed to at 8.
this year, i've been dancing for half my life.
but then again, if you count from when i was 6 then that's more la, lol. but i don't really count my experience from 6-7 as much of any dance experience cos i barely remember it. i only remember the first 5 seconds of my kindergarten graduation dance. and almost nothing of chinese dance in p1.
it was a stupid thing that i didn't continue.
but then again, everything happens for a reason.
at least i got exposure to acting
and guzheng.
not being like obsessed with kpop or anything, but don't you find being a kpop idol one of the best ways you can achieve all your dreams? for me, at least. like i can sing, i can dance, i can rap (otl can i even do it idk), i can act (if i get the role), i can go on variety shows, i can really enjoy my life by being one. yes, i know kidols suffer a lot. i know a trainee's schedule. i know the diets. i know the lack of privacy. i know the lack of sleep. but aren't all these things minuscule to the enjoyment and fun you get out of it? like the overly-used and cliché saying, you only live once. and if that's what you really want to do, why let stuff like that stop you?
why am i even saying this now
i'm being such a hypocrite. i talk like that yet i don't even do it.
i hate this
why can't i do it?
maybe now's not the time to think of stuff like that. it's my o level year after all. after the joy from a2 yesterday, i was more happenings like that again next year around january and the only way that can happen is if i study smart and get good marks.
a bunch of numbers and letters on a card don't define a person.
but doesn't it make you feel good to know that you've 经历'd (sry dk how to say in eng) and know that you've reaped the fruit of your efforts?
maybe i'm not making sense again
maybe i'm confusing everything up again
wow
why do i always sound like that?
if only someone could tell me if i really sounded crazy.
ha
there're kindda more that i wanna say, but i think if i continue i'd be repeating myself. besides, i don't know how to voice it out.
i know i talk a lot
as in in real life with my friends
but don't you realise i mostly speak rubbish?
maybe thoughts like that can only be voiced out when i'm alone and when i'm blissfully unaware if anyone is reading this
maybe
i'm scared
to be very honest, i'm scared
i'm scared of what will happen; i'm scared that i won't be happy
but maybe now's not the time to fret over this?
i'm scared, but i believe that God has already planned out everything for me and that everything that happens will have its reasons
don't be so quick to judge something that happened to you, because you never know when something's a blessing in disguise.
Hope™
i know i should be doing my homework now, i should be making notes on ecology cos mdm aishah's gonna check it tmr but idk i just really wanted to blog. i really felt like blogging. i just really want to talk but i don't exactly have/want anyone to talk to so... i turn to here.
about an hour ago, i was watching this video on jewelery making, about using metal blanks (?) to personalise little tags to put on jewelery that we make ourselves. as i watch it, i can't help but think that hey, maybe this is a path that i can go on? like i can make jewelery? maybe? maybe not? i know i like making those simple ones where we can buy the items from small art shops, but what about those really hardcore ones where we have like a thousand and one materials to use to make the jewelery?
now that i think about it, i actually don't mind. like starting a mini little shop to sell the jewelery???
i also thought about how maybe i could be a nail artist. like those in mini boutiques (?) and stuff helping people paint and design their nails. but i'm not so sure about that anymore.
the main thing, though, is my aspiration. i've learnt that aspirations are things that you really want but might not get. like how my teacher last time had the aspiration to be in a band but wasn't able to, i guess. aspirations are not things that we can always achieve. goals? yes. but aspirations? not really. what if our goals are our aspirations? there's such a thing, right? is there?
idk if it's my cough but recently i've recorded myself singing a little and i don't remember sounding this bad??????? like seriously. i have recorded myself singing since last year you can hear the difference. like i was singing dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui. i listened to the one i just recorded and the one that i recorded maybe a month or so ago. A HUGE DIFFERENCE. my voice now is kindda scratchy and rough, a bit low-ish and just... not really good???? i'm still coughing, if you're curious but not that bad anymore. i still have quite some phlegm and i'm hoping that my normal voice comes back soon?? i don't think i sound different but when i record myself singing there's actually quite a big difference.
i'll try asking mummy tonight if i still don't sound like myself cos it's been a week.
should i actually do such a thing? siyi said that i'm really good in handicrafts and that i should go along that road for my future. it doesn't sound like a bad idea, to be honest. but.... what about my dream?
or are dreams supposed to remain as dreams?
i honestly honestly honestly want to be a singer. like a performer? one that sings and dances on stage. it's not even a phase just cos i like kpop ohkay. i've always wanted to be in like media or stuff like that since i was young. i wanted to be an actress before i even got to know kpop, and i have always liked singing just that i don't think my singing is good. i've learnt dance since i was 8 (technically 6 but that's like cca in kindergarten and primary 1) and it's been a big part of my life. granted, there was this really big period of time where i somehow seemed to lose all forms of interest in dance and i really didn't want to continue it anymore. but i'm so glad i stayed. somehow the interest found me again. or did i find it? tbh, i've always wanted to join ballet. like when i was a really small kid. of course, i'm in ballet now, haha. but when i was young, we had this encyclopaedia at home that i'd always flip through. and my favourite page (or section) out of the whole encylopaedia would always be the one where they talked about dance. the one where they showed pictures of dancers (mostly ballet cos idk why people always seem to related dance to ballet???? maybe????? idk lol). i always looked at the nice costumes and the shoes and just how the thing in whole looked like and i really wanted to join. really. i actually remember that. and i managed to at 8.
this year, i've been dancing for half my life.
but then again, if you count from when i was 6 then that's more la, lol. but i don't really count my experience from 6-7 as much of any dance experience cos i barely remember it. i only remember the first 5 seconds of my kindergarten graduation dance. and almost nothing of chinese dance in p1.
it was a stupid thing that i didn't continue.
but then again, everything happens for a reason.
at least i got exposure to acting
and guzheng.
not being like obsessed with kpop or anything, but don't you find being a kpop idol one of the best ways you can achieve all your dreams? for me, at least. like i can sing, i can dance, i can rap (otl can i even do it idk), i can act (if i get the role), i can go on variety shows, i can really enjoy my life by being one. yes, i know kidols suffer a lot. i know a trainee's schedule. i know the diets. i know the lack of privacy. i know the lack of sleep. but aren't all these things minuscule to the enjoyment and fun you get out of it? like the overly-used and cliché saying, you only live once. and if that's what you really want to do, why let stuff like that stop you?
why am i even saying this now
i'm being such a hypocrite. i talk like that yet i don't even do it.
i hate this
why can't i do it?
maybe now's not the time to think of stuff like that. it's my o level year after all. after the joy from a2 yesterday, i was more happenings like that again next year around january and the only way that can happen is if i study smart and get good marks.
a bunch of numbers and letters on a card don't define a person.
but doesn't it make you feel good to know that you've 经历'd (sry dk how to say in eng) and know that you've reaped the fruit of your efforts?
maybe i'm not making sense again
maybe i'm confusing everything up again
wow
why do i always sound like that?
if only someone could tell me if i really sounded crazy.
ha
there're kindda more that i wanna say, but i think if i continue i'd be repeating myself. besides, i don't know how to voice it out.
i know i talk a lot
as in in real life with my friends
but don't you realise i mostly speak rubbish?
maybe thoughts like that can only be voiced out when i'm alone and when i'm blissfully unaware if anyone is reading this
maybe
i'm scared
to be very honest, i'm scared
i'm scared of what will happen; i'm scared that i won't be happy
but maybe now's not the time to fret over this?
i'm scared, but i believe that God has already planned out everything for me and that everything that happens will have its reasons
don't be so quick to judge something that happened to you, because you never know when something's a blessing in disguise.
Hope™
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