Ottokaji?
ohkay i know it's really cliché to use Ken's catchphrase here. but hey, he's trying to popularise it, right? ohkay i'm sorry that i'm gg off topic now.
tbvh, i'm supposed to be studying now and i really wanna study now too. to do some work. but i can't. i can't seem to have to motivation to do it and it sucks. i've talked about this in my letter to my grandpa (see the link at the side for the blog >>>>) but i guess i wanted to talk about it here too?
sigh.
did you know that dream station has this foundation module thing for us to sign up and every week for three hours we learn dance and vocals??? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT TO JOIN IT?!??!??! BUT I HAVE FUCKING O LEVEL'S NEXT YEAR SO I DON'T THINK I CAN GO FML. i was thinking that i can still go for it, cos y'know, it's just a short time of every week and stuff, and that i can still study on the other days but then i don't want to go alone. i hate the fact how i don't want to be alone when i'm outside my house and stuff yet sometimes i just really wish that everyone was gone. i don't know if i'm crazy or not. whatever. i talked to natasha abt it and asked her about it but she seemed like she was giving me a lecture??? she's gonna study (i mean hell everyone is) so there's no chance she'll join it with me.
should i actually go for it????
i'm so confused now dammit.
there's not even anyone that i can talk to about it ohkay. the only people (or rather things) i have to talk to is this blog and writing to my grandfather on the other. like seriously i don't think anyone would bother to listen to me rant or anything. like what's the importance in what i have to say anyway? most people just think it's a phase and that i'm crazy.
fine.
kpop might be a phase for me. but being like... a singer/dancer/actress/entertainer whatever has been something that i've always wanted to do when i was young. ohkay probably not the three-year-old me, but wanting to have a job like this is prolly something i've dreamed of ever since i finalised that purple is my favourite colour. and that's a pretty long time ago ohkay.
now that i think of it, WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THE FUCKING MODULE THING LAST YEAR. or was it that i knew and i tried to find how to join but i couldn't seem to join?
school's starting soon and i haven't done anything. wow how do you spell failure? lol. look up failure and my pic will be there yay. i'm recognised somewhere. i happy.
whatever
side note: SHINee released Colourful MV! and VIXX and Girls' Day special stage i cannot.
ohkay back to the topic. seriously what am i supposed to do now??? i feel like stabbing something gah. does anyone have similar feelings as mine or something that can possibly advice? who am i kidding i'm probably the only insane person in the world who talks to a blog and dreams of being an artist.
kill me now dammit.
should i actually ask my parents about it? i mean i don't need to mention anything about it being a kpop star or something i can just say that i want to have training in dance and vocals and i think that's the best place that i can learn anything, right? because this is actually part of the truth. but then they'll say that i have o's!!!!
but then if i don't try i'll never be able to go, right?
the thing's 500 for the first month. and 380 for the next two. that's like 1,260 for the whole lesson thing. should i actually join it? like do we even have the money in the first place what.
recently had to hold a funeral for yeye and funerals are not cheap omg.
then after that i've been eating pretty good food these few days.
and i recently went ice skating
went to adventure cove and sea aquarium ytd
then i still got ballet (which reminds me i needa go at 6) and piano
idek.
i hope mummy and daddy don't come back soon sigh.
is this a bad thing to hope?
i just want...
i don't even know really
why is my brain so complicated
or more importantly why cant i understand my brain
like it's my own fucking brain for goodness sake and i don't even understand it.
it's like i don't even understand myself???????? how do i even tell people about it?
i should sneak in kor's bag and just happily live in IMH whatever. maybe the people there seem happier. idk i've never been there.
the more i talk now the more i think that i belong there otl.
seriously what should i do
why don't i find interest in studies?
why don't i find interest in anything?
why is my attention span like that?
why am i like that?
i don't know whether to hate myself or
sigh
someone help?
who am i kidding no one would bother to help
will i even grow up properly
now that i think of it, i seem to be more childish and stuff compared to the people around me.
do i have any mental issue that makes me think a little bit slower and a few years below my age or something?
oh kill me now
thanks
thanks for listening
who am i kidding i write this obv this blog will have it
what am i even talking now
kill me now thanks
Hope™
tbvh, i'm supposed to be studying now and i really wanna study now too. to do some work. but i can't. i can't seem to have to motivation to do it and it sucks. i've talked about this in my letter to my grandpa (see the link at the side for the blog >>>>) but i guess i wanted to talk about it here too?
sigh.
did you know that dream station has this foundation module thing for us to sign up and every week for three hours we learn dance and vocals??? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT TO JOIN IT?!??!??! BUT I HAVE FUCKING O LEVEL'S NEXT YEAR SO I DON'T THINK I CAN GO FML. i was thinking that i can still go for it, cos y'know, it's just a short time of every week and stuff, and that i can still study on the other days but then i don't want to go alone. i hate the fact how i don't want to be alone when i'm outside my house and stuff yet sometimes i just really wish that everyone was gone. i don't know if i'm crazy or not. whatever. i talked to natasha abt it and asked her about it but she seemed like she was giving me a lecture??? she's gonna study (i mean hell everyone is) so there's no chance she'll join it with me.
should i actually go for it????
i'm so confused now dammit.
there's not even anyone that i can talk to about it ohkay. the only people (or rather things) i have to talk to is this blog and writing to my grandfather on the other. like seriously i don't think anyone would bother to listen to me rant or anything. like what's the importance in what i have to say anyway? most people just think it's a phase and that i'm crazy.
fine.
kpop might be a phase for me. but being like... a singer/dancer/actress/entertainer whatever has been something that i've always wanted to do when i was young. ohkay probably not the three-year-old me, but wanting to have a job like this is prolly something i've dreamed of ever since i finalised that purple is my favourite colour. and that's a pretty long time ago ohkay.
now that i think of it, WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THE FUCKING MODULE THING LAST YEAR. or was it that i knew and i tried to find how to join but i couldn't seem to join?
school's starting soon and i haven't done anything. wow how do you spell failure? lol. look up failure and my pic will be there yay. i'm recognised somewhere. i happy.
whatever
side note: SHINee released Colourful MV! and VIXX and Girls' Day special stage i cannot.
ohkay back to the topic. seriously what am i supposed to do now??? i feel like stabbing something gah. does anyone have similar feelings as mine or something that can possibly advice? who am i kidding i'm probably the only insane person in the world who talks to a blog and dreams of being an artist.
kill me now dammit.
should i actually ask my parents about it? i mean i don't need to mention anything about it being a kpop star or something i can just say that i want to have training in dance and vocals and i think that's the best place that i can learn anything, right? because this is actually part of the truth. but then they'll say that i have o's!!!!
but then if i don't try i'll never be able to go, right?
the thing's 500 for the first month. and 380 for the next two. that's like 1,260 for the whole lesson thing. should i actually join it? like do we even have the money in the first place what.
recently had to hold a funeral for yeye and funerals are not cheap omg.
then after that i've been eating pretty good food these few days.
and i recently went ice skating
went to adventure cove and sea aquarium ytd
then i still got ballet (which reminds me i needa go at 6) and piano
idek.
i hope mummy and daddy don't come back soon sigh.
is this a bad thing to hope?
i just want...
i don't even know really
why is my brain so complicated
or more importantly why cant i understand my brain
like it's my own fucking brain for goodness sake and i don't even understand it.
it's like i don't even understand myself???????? how do i even tell people about it?
i should sneak in kor's bag and just happily live in IMH whatever. maybe the people there seem happier. idk i've never been there.
the more i talk now the more i think that i belong there otl.
seriously what should i do
why don't i find interest in studies?
why don't i find interest in anything?
why is my attention span like that?
why am i like that?
i don't know whether to hate myself or
sigh
someone help?
who am i kidding no one would bother to help
will i even grow up properly
now that i think of it, i seem to be more childish and stuff compared to the people around me.
do i have any mental issue that makes me think a little bit slower and a few years below my age or something?
oh kill me now
thanks
thanks for listening
who am i kidding i write this obv this blog will have it
what am i even talking now
kill me now thanks
Hope™
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