그만해

stop it.

stop telling me to go to sleep

stop telling me it's late

stop trying to look at what "Chinese thing" i'm typing on com (cos that's for yeye)

stop telling me to do my work

stop telling me that school's starting

i know you care about me. thanks. really. but i know what to do. i'm 15, i may not seem very grown up, but i know how to manage my own body clock. worse come to worse i just fall asleep in assembly lor. like what do they even say that's important to use anyway ._.

kay sry

i know when i should sleep. i read somewhere on tumblr: 'i sometimes stay up so late that i feel the need to sleep immediately so that i can just sleep, without having to lay in bed and let my thoughts wonder.' and it's true. sometimes i really want to do that. cos when i let my thoughts wonder.... umm... i think you've seen it far too many times on my blog. sorry.

i know it's late. there's a clock on the computer and a watch on my wrist. i can't tell time well, so i always wear a watch. tbh i feel that time is just something we use to make our lives seem more um.. scheduled and planned. cos if you think of it, 2am may be fucking middle of the night it Singapore but it can be 9pm in Kenya. it's just because it's 2am that you think it's late and that you have to sleep. because we've been brought up that when the clock is at 'am', it's early and it's morning. what if we were brought up differently? what if we were brought up that lights meant it was time to sleep and darkness was time for school? 2am wouldn't seem so late now, would it? i'm rambling again. sorry. wow i can even overthink when i'm doing something -claps sarcastically for self-

like i've said above, the Chinese thing is my '写给爷爷的信' blog. you can look at it, sure. but not when i'm around. i just don't like it kay.

i've been doing my work. can't you see? i did quite a lot of chem today and tbh i feel kindda proud that i'm finally getting off my lazy ass to do some proper work. it's hard cos it has to do with math but hey! i'm doing it! i'm still not done yet but meh. if i don't finish it, i'm the one that gets scolded right? if the teacher calls you you just have to act shocked and whatever crap. if my life turns out like a fucking mess and i'm a fucking worthless piece of shit, it doesn't affect your life, does it? if you're embarrassed then i won't tell people who i'm related to if i really become a fucking worthless piece of shit.

oh the horror. i know school's starting. school always starts. it never ends. everytime you think that maybe you can get your mind off school, you can't. before you start school, you want to go because it seems to fun! to have friends! idek. i don't think i really wanted to go to school at all otl. when you're young, you yearn to go back because you have friends! when you're around my age, you think of all the homework your crazy teachers pile you up with cos "it's the holiday! you should have more time!" YES, TIME FOR RELAXATION YOU ANNOYING FOOL. if i still get homework for the LONG holidays, LONG ohkay, march june and sept get hw i won't say a thing, then why are you even giving me this long holiday? isn't this the time i'm supposed to be enjoying w my family? a new school year's beginning. can't you just let us have a time to be totally free and not have to worry about 'what homework have i done?' 'has the teacher taken this lesson down?' 'is there an exam a week after school starts?'. and then when you're old, you keep thinking about school. because all adults go 'i want to go back to school! school was such an amazing time!' ohkay so maybe it is. idk. but do you see my point? througout our whole lives we're always thinking of school!! i'm not making any sense. sorry. it's 2 in the morning yeah sure, blame it on the time

i'll just go to my room so you won't bother me. please don't wake up at night. thanks.

Hope™