"Lee Xian, you're fine, but you don't think you're fine!"

my dance teacher said this to be on saturday. tbvh i actually have alot to blog about my teachers, considering i kindda got 骂得狗血淋头 by my chinese teachers on friday. but maybe i'll save that for tmr? or another day where i'll be more free. it's actually almost 11:30 now, and i have to wake up by myself tmr at 5:30 and go to sch by myself too. so i guess i won't blog too much.

but this sentence... i don't really know what to make of it. what does it mean? i lack confidence??? or what?

in the first place, how does she even know? lol

somehow i feel that we should never think we're fine - there's always a way for us to improve. but then... what am i supposed to do with what she said about me on sat?

she said that i know my work today, but i only lack quality.

hm. guess i should work harder then.

but the floors are really slippery - i'm not making an excuse here, everyone agrees. and idk... but i somehow feel.... awkward dancing infront of others. or doing anything, really. i think it sounds really stupid when i say what my dream is, yet i'm so scared of being infront of others. will i turn into someone like leo? shying away from cameras and stuff? but he's himself (?) on stage, and gives his all. i'd probably freak the hell out.

i think i'm blabbering nonsense again. i'm sorry.

i guess it's the lack of sleep getting to me. slept close to 1 am ytd.

and i've been reading this really good fic "whose existence vanished". it's an woogyu fic (yes i read yaoi, idk what's all the hate about. i don't actually imagine the idols doing that, i just read it cos it's nice to read. the writers are good, kay!). i think it's really really nice!! like.. the way it was planned out. esp since it's smth like a fantasy fic??? idk if she created the names of the things inside herself or got it from the inspiration. but if she did, wow she really crafted a whole new world using that story. it's nice. a good read. though i think most people wont care about that.

i like angst, i like crying. i don't like my nose being blocked, but somehow i like it that tears flow down my face.

call me crazy, send me to a mental hospital. i guess i'm just a weirdo that doesn't belong. but then again, what's so fun with following the crowd?

i should find more angst fics. hehe.

as you can see, i've trailed so far away from my title/intro. it's just me. i tend to talk alot, and i'll start sidetracking - i seem to have focusing problems lol. i really can't pay attention, and i can't focus easily. call it an excuse, for all i care. because i think it sounds like one too.

i guess i should actually sleep now? before i go even more bonkers than i already am. but i'm not feeling that tell-tale sign that i should sleep yet. maybe i'll read a little more. then i'll sleep.

i hope the people around me are fine, i hope that God will bless them. i don't want anyone hurt or injured. i don't like it.

i think i need to knock some... normality into myself. i'm starting to sound like i'm from another planet. or maybe a mental ward. yeah. that sounds about right.

i don't feel like doing chinese homework. should i just be scolded again? most of the people i know don't like me anyway. if scolding me helps them vent their anger and stress, then so be it.

i still have to prepare rene's present.

Hope™