Don't get your hopes up

Wow first post of september on the eleventh day don't I treat you well. 

I'm sorry for not blogging ): there were times I wanted to blog but I was in public and yeah..... 

Anyways, so had like this um... Conversation/argument with Natasha about me being pessimistic? Am I pessimistic? I don't really think so ley. Rather than pessimistic I think i'm just someone who doesn't wanna get her hopes up. You shouldn't hope so much because when things don't go your way, you'll get sadder and... Yeah. More disappointed and stuff. 

She says I should have faith. And I do. I have faith in God. In a way I believe that everything will turn out right (or at least I hope for it to turn out that way). But... I just don't want to get lost in dreamland, thinking of how good everything may be and then after that get crushed when everything goes wrong. -shrugs- that's just what I feel I guess. 

Remember how a brain dominance test said that i'm fantasy oriented? I really am. I'm serious. I've really been dreaming alot recently and it's not helping that I have to study for FYEs. 

Sometimes I feel that we should just screw FYEs. What are a few pieces of paper gonna tell us anyway? What? You fail one exam and you're automatically the dumbest and can't do anything right? 

I may not be scoring as bad as some of my friends (at least I have one subject that's constantly good), but I lack interest in seriously EVERYTHING. I don't even know. Everytime someone asks me what I want to be when I grow up, WHAT THE FUCK DO I ANSWER THEM. 

I can't just casually go "oh.... Y'know, just dreaming here to be an idol some day.. Yeah? Like go on shows, have my own songs, perform on stage? Woohoo~" I think if you know me personally you'd actually hear me saying this HAHA. So whenever someone asks me, I just tell them idk. I don't like it when they tell me I should be like... A doctor or something like that. It's so..... Idek. I'm really thankful though. Thankful that m parents aren't forcing me into a job that I don't want and that they actually give me the freedom to choose my career. Except idk how much um. Freedom are they giving me. Cos idk how they'd react I'd I told them my dream job (although I think they'd prolly just laugh haha). 

Well, I think I'm GG off topic now! So I think I'd better go before I start rambling mindless things again. ^~^ < see, I smile, I'm not pessimistic LOL 

Is my brain being really fantasy oriented what helps me with writing fics? 

I started another one again I NEED TO STOP

Hope™