I feel like such an insomniac
"...tired from counting sheep, but not too tired to fall asleep..." - Fireflies by Owl City
It's somewhat stuck in my head now and it kindda relates to my situation now I guess. Idk Ohkay. But it's 1am, so idk of this is the lack of sleep talking. But then again, I've been sleeping so much I doubt I'm that tired Keke
This is again one of those times where I really don't know what I'm doing, who I am, everything Ohkay. I know most people are gonna say it's pms and stuff, but this is not Ohkay. Sure, most of the time i post these rants I'm on my period. But now I'm not Ohkay (kindda awkward to say this lol)
Idk Ohkay. Just that I live in Singapore, and I don't mean any offense to my country, but Singapore is just like a fail in entertainment Ohkay. Like some Singapore show even had to invite a taiwanese actor/host (nono). I just find that Singapore really has little opportunity for entertainment, media, all these things. I'm not being a bad citizen or anything Ohkay, but I just think it's really like that.
So, which brings me away from my side-tracking. Idk man. Everyone around me is so freaking successful Ohkay. I have two cousins studying to be doctors and a cousin studying to be a lawyer. And here I am not even sure what I want to do. It's really frustrating to me. What I realised is that most of the time only trainees will be like will I get far in this? But I am too, idk if this is what people call predebut or anything but whatever Ohkay. I'm sure millions of people around the world share the same dreams as me. I don't know. I'm being to unrealistic. Why? This was what I conjured up in my screwed up brain of mine.
That when I go to china end year, I'll get scouted and get into SM. stupid, right? Idk. Cos number one, the place I'm going is not like Beijing or anything, so I don't think there'll be talent scouts there. Number two, my face cmi. I'm serious Ohkay. I don't have big eyes, double eyelids, long eyelashes, actually I don't have any good facial features lol. I'm not that skinny either kays. Number three, my singing cmi. I've tried before Ohkay. I recorded myself singing. I had to stop halfway cos i can't stand it. Idk how my friends stand it when I sing Ohkay, number four, my dancing cmi. I've seen myself dancing, I don't have the power in the dance. Even my ballet's not good. Number five, unfortunately, my rapping oso cmi lolx. It's not as if I can depend on rapping skills, cos i've heard myself rap. HOR.RI.BLE.
"...think of it as a thousand hugs, from ten million lightning bugs..." it might e wrong Ohkay. I can't really get tw lyrics. Or I kindda forgot now haha. But same song (:
Ohkay I guess you've seen just how screwed up my brain is for thinking such thoughts. Sometimes I really wish it was true. Sometimes I really wish that dreams become reality. But then again, really, what do I want?
And again, I shall end off with what I like to say (no, not the rainbow things I'm becoming more and more pessimistic as time is passing): funny isn't it? How my name is hope yet I'm so hopeless.
xoxo
Hope™
It's somewhat stuck in my head now and it kindda relates to my situation now I guess. Idk Ohkay. But it's 1am, so idk of this is the lack of sleep talking. But then again, I've been sleeping so much I doubt I'm that tired Keke
This is again one of those times where I really don't know what I'm doing, who I am, everything Ohkay. I know most people are gonna say it's pms and stuff, but this is not Ohkay. Sure, most of the time i post these rants I'm on my period. But now I'm not Ohkay (kindda awkward to say this lol)
Idk Ohkay. Just that I live in Singapore, and I don't mean any offense to my country, but Singapore is just like a fail in entertainment Ohkay. Like some Singapore show even had to invite a taiwanese actor/host (nono). I just find that Singapore really has little opportunity for entertainment, media, all these things. I'm not being a bad citizen or anything Ohkay, but I just think it's really like that.
So, which brings me away from my side-tracking. Idk man. Everyone around me is so freaking successful Ohkay. I have two cousins studying to be doctors and a cousin studying to be a lawyer. And here I am not even sure what I want to do. It's really frustrating to me. What I realised is that most of the time only trainees will be like will I get far in this? But I am too, idk if this is what people call predebut or anything but whatever Ohkay. I'm sure millions of people around the world share the same dreams as me. I don't know. I'm being to unrealistic. Why? This was what I conjured up in my screwed up brain of mine.
That when I go to china end year, I'll get scouted and get into SM. stupid, right? Idk. Cos number one, the place I'm going is not like Beijing or anything, so I don't think there'll be talent scouts there. Number two, my face cmi. I'm serious Ohkay. I don't have big eyes, double eyelids, long eyelashes, actually I don't have any good facial features lol. I'm not that skinny either kays. Number three, my singing cmi. I've tried before Ohkay. I recorded myself singing. I had to stop halfway cos i can't stand it. Idk how my friends stand it when I sing Ohkay, number four, my dancing cmi. I've seen myself dancing, I don't have the power in the dance. Even my ballet's not good. Number five, unfortunately, my rapping oso cmi lolx. It's not as if I can depend on rapping skills, cos i've heard myself rap. HOR.RI.BLE.
"...think of it as a thousand hugs, from ten million lightning bugs..." it might e wrong Ohkay. I can't really get tw lyrics. Or I kindda forgot now haha. But same song (:
Ohkay I guess you've seen just how screwed up my brain is for thinking such thoughts. Sometimes I really wish it was true. Sometimes I really wish that dreams become reality. But then again, really, what do I want?
And again, I shall end off with what I like to say (no, not the rainbow things I'm becoming more and more pessimistic as time is passing): funny isn't it? How my name is hope yet I'm so hopeless.
xoxo
Hope™
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